MONICKER TIME

10 nicknames I have laboured under:

1 Baby Seven - a childhood nickname which was due to a white number 7, stitched onto the back of a football strip, which shrunk in the wash
2 Lusty - name given to me by an English teacher, due to my supposed sheep's eye and silver tongue among the young ladies. The pot verily was calling the kettle black - he was sacked soon after for squiring a sixth year girl.
3 Werty / Werts - ubiquitous nickname in St Andrews from age 15 on, which arose bizarrely due to a verruca. The name stuck - I hated it at first but like so many nicknames, it grew to mean nothing pejorative. My Mum even called me it sometimes.
4 Uncle Frank - nickname from flatmates c 1989/90, due to my habit of saying things like, 'we'd better keep that music down', 'make sure that candle doesn't fall over' and (ahem) 'isn't she a bit young for you?'
5 Stumpy - short-lived school nickname, part of ongoing argument about whether Angus Roger was taller than me or not. You had to be there.
6 Hamble - c late 80s, my girlfriend Becky used to call me this due to my supposed likeness to the Play School doll of the same name.
7 The Guru - short-lived university nickname, due to my demeanour in student poetry workshops. May or may not have been ironic.
8 Rocket Rod - from my 'lost years' aka 'The St James Years'. Rocket Roddy is, apparently, a famous film stunt man. May very well have been ironic.
9 SB - being the baby of the family, I was inevitably dubbed the Spoilt Brat by my elder brothers. Unfairly of course.
10 Fatboy - Nickname used by my dapper theatre critic mate Neil Cooper. Yes, it's cruel, but let's face it, I've called him a few things in my time.

Source: my sordid past. I am sure there are more I have forgotten and a few I don't know.