Vitamin Q - a temple of trivia and lists

Welcome to VitaminQ!
Just to remind you: this site belongs to Roddy Lumsden, a puzzle writer and poet from Scotland now living in Bristol in England. This blog exists as a place where I can post lists, curiosities, spoofs and fragments which please me as a lover of trivia, lists, reference. They are bound to reflect some of my interests which include pop, nature, words, Scotland, food and literature. I'll post an item most days, so do bookmark and return. If you wish to reprint any of these lists, please include the source, or credit both me and this site if it is an original list. Now read on, you mad fools...

YAPPS

Some more prize fruit stolen from the old Scots dictionary:

1 yaw - a child's name for an eel
2 yeddle - dunghill drainage
3 yule-kebbuck - special Christmas cheese
4 yeekie-yakie - a shoemaker's tool
5 yaavel - the second crop of grain after lea
6 yanker - a clever girl
7 yoornt - of a postman, going his round easily, because seasoned
8 yapps - apples stolen by boys from a garden
9 yaltoco - an expression of surprise or defiance
10 yabblock - a talkative person
11 yim - to become covered with a thin film
12 yaghies - the sound of a soft, heavy body falling
13 yirditams - small heaps of earth spread over a field
14 yarbin-carblin - a wordy fight
15 yachlin - one who shambles
16 yeery - afraid of goblins
17 yaup - the cry of a sickly bird
18 yair-haugh - a haugh on which a yair is built
19 yil-caup-een - 'saucer' eyes
20 yamps - garlic

Source: The Scots Dialect Dictionary (1911)

BUM RUSH THE DOG SHOW

12 canine rap music acts:

1 The Dog
2 V-Dog
3 Tim Dog
4 Dre Dog
5 Raw Dog
6 Top Dog
7 Mr D.O.G.
8 Bass Dog
9 Skip Dog
10 Thug Dog
11 Ice Dog

Note - no doggs allowed.

Source: generated from the mighty databanks of allmusic.com

THE MAN...

Some themed nicknames:

The Man - Van Morrison, Arnold Palmer, Bear Bryant (American football), Stan Musial(baseball)
The Man Who Taught America to Sing - Fred Waring (bandleader)
The Man of a Thousand Faces - Lon Chaney
The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo - Joseph Jaggers
The Man in Black - Johnny Cash
The Man Who Listens to Horses - Monty Roberts
The Man with the Plan - Hugh Gaitskell
The Man in the Iron Mask - unknown
The Man Who Broke the Pound - George Soros (financier)
The Man with a Red Scarf - Pierre Rosenberg (art expert)
The Man on the Wedding Cake - Thomas E Dewey (US politician)
The Man with No Name - Clint Eastwood (from his Western character)
The Man with the Velvet Voice - Ronal Coleman, Nat King Cole
The Man of 1000 Aces - Goran Ivanisevic
The Man with the Golden Head - Sandor Kocsis (1950s football star)
The Man with the Horn - Miles Davis
The Man Who Never Was - Piltdown Man (skull hoax)
The Man with the Perfect Profile - Robert Taylor
The Man with a Million Friends - T Texas Tyler (US singer and presenter)
The Man with the Orchid-Lined Voice - Enrico Caruso
The Man of Iron - Lech Walesa
The Man Who Sold the Milky Way - Bart Bok (astronomer)
The Man Who Murdered Music - Spike Jones
The Man of the People - Abraham Lincoln
The Man Who Colours Stars - David Malin (photographer)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat - unnamed patient of neurologist Dr Oliver Sacks
The Man of a Thousand Moves - Elgin Baylor (basketball)
The Man Who Taught the World to Play Guitar - Bert Weedon
The Man with the Golden Flute - James Galway
The Man Who Loved Only Numbers - Paul Edrös (mathematician)
The Man with the Golden Trumpet - Eddie Calvert
The Man You Love to Hate - Erich von Stroheim

source: various

SUPERSTARS OF OVERKILL

The Boring Institute's 'Most Boring Celebrities':

1984: Michael Jackson
1985: Dr. Ruth Westheimer
1986: Joan Rivers
1987: Jim and Tammy Bakker
1988: Bill Cosby
1989: Roseanne Barr
1990: Donald Trump
1991: Madonna
1992: The Entire Royal Family
1993: Al Gore Jr
1994: O. J. Simpson
1995: O.J. Simpson
1996: Dennis Rodman
1997: Ellen DeGeneres
1998: Bill Clinton
1999: Hillary Clinton
2000: Regis Philbin
2001: Jesse Jackson

The Boring Institute began as a spoof organisation aimed against media overexposure but has since developed into a serious group devoted to the psychological problem of boredom in the USA.

Source: The Boring Institute

BADGEWINNERS

Some British celebrities who were once brownies or guides:

1 Sue Cook
2 Cat Deely
3 Sarah Greene
4 Glenda Jackson
5 Lorraine Kelly
6 Mo Mowlam
7 Marjorie Proops
8 Louise Redknapp
9 Anneka Rice
10 Anita Roddick
11 Helen Sharman
12 Valerie Singleton

Some royals (the Queen, Princesses Anne and Margaret) were also guides.

Source:guidinguk;

UNDER THE STARS

19 famous people who have been homeless:

1 Jim Carrey
2 Charlie Chaplin
3 Ella Fitzgerald
4 Kelsey Grammar
5 Woody Guthrie
6 Harry Houdini
7 Burl Ives
8 Jewel
9 Eartha Kitt
10 David Letterman
11 Lil' Kim
12 Heather Mills
13 Sally Jessy Raphael
14 Jonathan Richman
15 Joan Rivers
16 "Colonel" Harland Sanders
17 Tupac Shakur
18 William Shatner
19 Patti Smith

Tragic circumstances or handy publicity stories?

Source: lists.hollywood.com;

IRISH HEAVYWEIGHT RHYMING

Rhymes from Opera Et Cetera by Ciaran Carson

1 AWOL / narwhal
2 syllabub / Beelzebub
3 La Cucuracha / Appalachia
4 boomeranged / meringue
5 low-key / synedoche
6 barricade / orangeade
7 Sherlock / Bartok
8 buttonhole / Charles de Gaulle
9 fingerbowl / rigmarole
10 kazoo / Belfast Zoo
11 Lima beans / hashasheens
12 herringbone / Twilight Zone

Rhymes from Hay by Paul Muldoon

1 razzle-dazzle / Yggdrasill
2 clapiers / coolibars
3 Fionnuala / vanilla
4 psoriasis / Xerxes
5 Tuaregs / wether-tegs
6 Canada geese / trouser crease
7 Volvo / alfalfa
8 mittens / frost-bitten
9 cardboard box / Ultravox
10 Citadel / Dettol
11 cloudier / pig-gelder
12 Consulate / consolette

So who has the blooody nose?

Source: Opera Et Cetera (Bloodaxe) and Hay (Faber)

SWEET AND SOUR SONGS

20 (yes 20!) songs and tunes about pickle:

1 Pickle Barrel - Scene is Now
2 Pickle - Fun Size
3 Pickle in the Middle - Louis Prima
4 Pickle Head - Mike Flores
5 Pickle Bucket - Post Mortem
6 Pickle Potato - Great Phone Calls
7 Pickle Song - Dinosaur Jr
8 Pickled - Hooligans
9 Pickled and Preserved - Demented Are Go
10 Pickled Bullhorn - Universal Congress of
11 Pickled Eggs and Sherbert - Slow Mo
12 Pickled Frogs - Sardina
13 Pickled Garbage Soup - Cows
14 Pickled Heart - Titus
15 Pickled Herring - Chris Bucheit
16 Pickled Pear - Pele
17 Pickles Poet's Tale - Aerial
18 Picklers Leave - Rachel Portman
19 Picklehead - Askold Buk
20 Pickles - Allen Toussaint

Source: allmusic.com, the web's most comprehensive and impressive music site.

HERPES ZOSTER

Herbal cures for shingles:

1 Houseleek (aka Jupiter's Eye. Thor's Beard. Jupiter's Beard. Bullock's Eye. Sengreen. Ayron. Ayegreen.)

2 Plantain (aka Ripple Grass. Waybread. Slan-lus. Waybroad. Snakeweed. Cuckoo's Bread. Englishman's Foot. White Man's Foot.)

3 Sasparilla (aka Shot Bush. Small Spikenard. Wild Liquorice. Rabbit Root.)

4 Buttercup (aka St. Anthony's Turnip. Crowfoot. Frogsfoot. Goldcup.)

5 Five-Leaf Grass (aka Cinquefoil. Five Fingers. Five-Finger Blossom. Sunkfield. Synkefoyle.)

6 Costmary (aka Alecost. Balsam Herb. Costmarie. Mace. Balsamita.)

7 Yellow Cedar (aka Arbor Vitae. Cedrus Lycea. Hackmatack. Thuia du Canada. Lebensbaum.)

Source: http://www.botanical.com (Thanks again to Andrew Jackson)

LET'S HEAR IT AGAIN FOR...

Some famous stammerers:

1 Moses
2 Aristotle
3 Demosthenes
4 Virgil
5 Aesop
6 Emperor Claudius
7 Sir Isaac Newton
8 Charles Lamb
9 W. Somerset Maugham
10 Charles Darwin
11 Lewis Carroll
12 King Charles I
13 King George VI
14 Winston Churchill
15 Henry James
16 Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
17 Vyacheslav Molotov
18 Neil Armstrong
19 Theodore Roosevelt
20 George Burns
21 Aneurin Bevan
22 Marilyn Monroe
23 Bruce Willis
24 James Earl Jones
25 Rowan Atkinson
26 Philip Larkin
27 Gareth Gates
28 Porky Pig
29 John Updike
30 Carly Simon
31 Tom Paulin

Thanks to Andrew Jackson.

BIG BIRD

A list of the world's albatrosses:

1 Gibson's albatross
2 Antipodean albatross
3 waved albatross
4 Salvin's albatross
5 Northern royal albatross
6 Chatham albatross
7 Campbell albatross
8 black-footed albatross
9 Northern Buller's albatross
10 short-tailed albatross
11 Southern royal albatross
12 light-mantled albatross
13 Atlantic yellow-nosed albatross
14 wandering (or snowy) albatross
15 Laysan albatross
16 black-browed albatross
17 grey-headed albatross
18 shy albatross
19 Amsterdam albatross
20 Indian yellow-nosed albatross
21 sooty albatross
22 Tristan albatross
23 white-capped albatross
24 Pacific albatross

Source: various

AISLE BE BACK

Some famous people with five or more marriages:

1 Elizabeth Taylor (8)
2 Zsa Zsa Gabor (8)
3 Mickey Rooney (8)
4 Stan Laurel (7)
5 Larry King (7)
6 Jerry Lee Lewis (6)
7 Rex Harrison (6)
8 Hedy Lamarr (6)
9 Claude Rains (6)
10 John Huston (6)
11 Malcolm Muggeridge (6)
12 Gloria Swanson (6)
13 Steve Earle (6)
14 Andre Previn (5)
15 Billy Bob Thornton (5)
16 Saul Bellow (5)
17 Joan Collins (5)
18 Tony Curtis (5)

Source: various

MELVYN WITH THE TIMES

That new South Bank Show series in full:

The Beautiful South - Melvyn Bragg interviews the acerbic and ironic Hull supergroup (plus Paul Morley) about brown ale, shagging slappers, cheese and leek pies and their sine qua non influence on the je ne sais quois.

The Italian Job - Melvyn Bragg interviews stars, best boys and grips from the movie deemed 'the British Battleship Potemkin' (Loaded and The Guardian), while Jenni Eclair, TV's Connie Huq and DJ BoingBoing reminisce about where they were when they first saw the film.

New Generation Journalists-turned-Novelists - Melvyn Bragg interviews Margie O'Ginge, Sholto Plumley, Piers Awkwardly, Lydia Teepaught and others about the literary phenomonomonom of the age: dim hacks that write books to be read on the tube.

Linford Christie's Record Collection - Melvyn Bragg interviews the 'tofu'-fuelled former sprinter about how Luther Vandross, Mica Paris, the Style Council, Lisa Stansfield and other such superstars of gospel changed the history of classical music for the black and sort of black communities in Bletchley Heath.

Carry On! - Melvyn Bragg and sociologist Roger Titternot interview Mark Kermode and Professor Lisa Jardine about the empathalic encronitude and inchoate Kaltsvobildung which are responsible for the lasting appeal of the saucy rompathons that are the Carry On! films (includes nudity).

Poetry Review - Melvyn Bragg interviews those who have contributed to 95 years of the literary journal (now renamed Trantler), including Buster Mottram, Sheezagh Brummy and Rick Inlaw and quizzes new boy-editors Roger Potts and Darius Herd about their love for the work of whoever is on the syllabus of the university in America they want to work for some day.

Art Malik - Melvyn Bragg and his head o' hair interview 'the best Asian King Lear on the London stage for months' (Time Out) and asks him about the media's obsession with inventing the public's obsession with Bollywood.

Source: TV Times (series sponsored by Maynard's Wine Gums)

16 TONS

Some jobs I have done outside of the poetry and puzzle world:

1 pub quiz writer and presenter
2 greetings card company founder
3 records clerk in bank PEPS department
4 office manager in family management consultancy
5 administrator of children's theatre company
6 beach litter orderly
7 supermarket bailer and shelfstacker
8 admin assistant in Savile Row tailors
9 paper boy
10 picture framer
11 logger in civil service typing office
12 data entry clerk at London insurance firm
13 admin assistant in Scottish brewery
14 theatre reviewer for the TLS
15 guide in a Scottish castle
16 newspaper indexer

(Most of these were teenage or student holiday or temp jobs. 1, 4 and 5 were more long-term. The worst was 12 - thankfully only ten days work.)

Q UP

20 Scots words beginning with Q:

1 queerikens - the hips
2 querny - of honey, abounding in granules
3 quitchie - scalding hot
4 quaking-qua - a quagmire
6 quhult - anything big of its kind
7 quisquous - difficult to discuss
8 quarrant - shoe made of untanned leather
9 queedie - small wooden chamber-pot
10 quee-beck - the cry of a startled grouse
11 qwyte - to play at curling
12 quill-fatt - a vat having a bung
13 quaw - a hole from which peats have been cut
14 quinter - a ewe in her third year
15 queem - fitting exactly
16 qurd - a clot of excrement
17 quirklum- a little arithmetical puzzle
18 queeth - the coal-fish in the second year
19 quhawp - a goblin said to haunt house eaves
20 quinkins - the scum of any liquor

source: The Scots Dialect Dictionary (Warrack 1911)

C'EST QUOI?

12 'faux amis' - French words which don't mean what you think:

1 droguerie (hardware shop)
2 trivial (vulgar)
3 romance (song)
4 relaxer (to acquit)
5 froc (monk's cowl)
6 abusif (unauthorised)
7 large (wide)
8 cave (cellar)
9 raisin (grape)
10 brassiere (baby's vest)
11 librairie (bookshop)
12 carton (cardboard)

source: Brewer's Modern Phrase & Fable (Cassell ed Room)

LUMSDEN LIBRARY

20 books written by my distant relatives:

1 Biological Rhythms and Photoperiodism in Plants by Thomas P Lumsden
2 Black Corps: A Collector's Guide to the History and Regalia of the SS by Robin Lumsden
3 Communicating in Groups and Teams; Sharing Leadership by Gay and Donald Lumsden
4 Machos, Maricones and Gays: Cuba and Homosexuality by Ian Lumsden
5 Biology of the Kinetoplastida by T Lumsden
6 Getting Up to Speed: 115 Quick Tips for the New or Future Manager by George Lumsden
7 Microeconomics: A Programmed Book by Keith G Lumsden
8 Green Byways: Garden Discoveries in the Great Lakes States by Sharon L Lumsden
9 Napalm and Incendiary Weapons: Legal and Humanitarian Aspects by Malvern Lumsden
10 Nourishing Brain Cells by Charles E Lumsden
11 Advances in Parasitology by W Lumsden
12 The Barbados-American Connection by May Lumsden
13 Caring for the Cerebral Palsy Child by Hylda Lumsden
14 Existential Sentences: Their Structure and Meaning by Michael Lumsden
15 Outdoor Lighting Handbook by William Kenneth Lumsden
16 Pest Management: Biologically Based Technologies by Robert D Lumsden
17 A Simple Annual Model for the Evaluation of Balance of Payments Policy in New Zealand by M A Lumsden
18 Techniques With Trypanosomes by W H R Lumsden
19 Thermodynamics of Molten Salt Mixtures by J Lumsden
20 Wellington Special by Alec Lumsden

Source: Amazon

STEAMY

The six rivers of Hell:

1 Acheron
2 Avernus
3 Cocytus
4 Lethe
5 Phlegethon
6 Styx

CORDON BLEU

10 things I love cooking:

1 French toast with cheese
2 Creamy prawn curry
3 Kofte meatballs in tomato sauce
4 Tom yum kam (Thai prawn soup)
5 Pasta with chicken, leeks and cream
6 Corned beef hash
7 Cream of lentil soup with boiled ham
8 Smoked haddock chowder
9 Spinach salad with bacon and croutons
10 Really hot chilli con carne

HITS O' THE NORTH

Those Scottish number one hits in full:

1 Cumberland Gap - Lonnie Donegan
2 Gamblin' Man - Lonnie Donegan
3 My Old Man's a Dustman - Lonnie Donegan
4 Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da - The Marmalade
5 Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - Middle of the Road
6 Amazing Grace - Royal Scots Dragoon Guards
7 January - Pilot*
8 Bye Bye Baby - Bay City Rollers
9 Give a Little Love - Bay City Rollers
10 D.I.V.O.R.C.E. - Billy Connolly
11 Forever and Ever - Slik
12 One Day at a Time - Lena Martell
13 Feels Like I'm in Love - Kelly Marie
14 Japanese Boy - Aneka
15 I Should Have Known Better - Jim Diamond*
16 I Know Him So Well - Barbara Dickson and Elaine Paige
17 There Must Be an Angel - Eurythmics*
18 Don't Leave Me This Way - The Communards
19 If I Was - Midge Ure*
20 Perfect - Fairground Attraction*
21 With a Little Help from My Friends - Wet Wet Wet
22 Doctorin' the Tardis - Timelords
23 Belfast Child - Simple Minds
24 3 AM Eternal - KLF*
25 Goodnight Girl - Wet Wet Wet*
26 Young at Heart - The Bluebells*
27 Relight My Fire - Take That and Lulu
28 Inside - Stiltskin*
29 Love is All Around - Wet Wet Wet
30 Knockin' on Heaven's Door - Dunblane
31 Colourblind - Darius*

Artists and groups are either Scottish or have main members who are. * means original song is by artist or group and is not a novelty or charity hit. No, Hoots Mon wasn't by Scots and don't even mention Rod Stewart. Midge Ure has been at number one four times, with Band Aid I and II, Slik and as a solo artist. He also had top ten hits with Visage and Ultravox (Vienna was kept off the number one spot by Aussie Joe Dolce's novelty hit Shaddap You Face). As to the debate on the quality of the list, well, where do you start?

source: various

GOLDEN OLDIES

In reply to my Marvin list (see archive), some more hits for wrinklies:

Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip?"
Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
The Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"
Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon - "You're So Varicose Vein"
Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations - "Papa's Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra - "These Boots Give Me Arthritis"
ABBA - "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Procol Harum - "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles - "I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"*
Credence Clearwater Revival - "Bad Prune a-Rising"
Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who - "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"

*can't say I get this one - must be something American?

source: thankyou Professor Nat Hardy of Oklahoma

SKY HIGH

12 celebrated aviatresses:

1 Laetitia Sage (balloonist)
2 Lady Mary Heath
3 Amy Johnson
4 Sheila Scott
5 Mrs Hewlett
6 Duchess of Bedford
7 Amelia Earhart
8 Jean Batten
9 Pauline Gower
10 Dorothy Spicer
11 Violette de Sabour*
12 Anne Morrow Lindbergh

*V de S was the original Miss Selfridge, daughter of Gordon, the department store's founder.

source: A Girdle Round the Earth (Constable)

EINSTEIN'S ARTICHOKES?

Ten real books on philosophers:

1 Foucault's Pendulum
2 Voltaire's Coconuts
3 Voltaire's Bastards
4 Schopenhauer's Porcupines
5 Kant and the Platypus
6 Nietzsche and the Vicious Circle
7 Heidegger, Habermas and the Mobile Phone
8 Wittgenstein's Poker
9 Descartes's Ballet
10 Hegel's God

source: thanks Andrew Jackson

NATIONAL NICKNAMES

19th century national and citizens' nicknames:

American - Brother Jonathan
Dutchman - Nic Frog or Mynheer Closh
Englishman - John Bull
Frenchman - Monsieur Crapaud
French peasant - Jacques Bonhomme
Glaswegian (?) - Keelie
German - Cousin Michael
Irishman - Paddy
Liverpudlian - Dicky Sam
Russian - a bear
Scot - Sawney
Swiss - Colin Tampon
Turk - Infidel

source - Brewer

ON THE NOSE

10 proboscidean proverbs and saws:

1 He has a nose of wax
2 As plain as the nose on your face
3 Does your nose eek at that?
4 He can't tell where to turn his nose
5 He that has a great nose thinks everybody is speaking of it
6 His nose will abide no jests
7 If your nose itches, you will kiss a fool
8 To hold one's nose to the grindstone
9 To put one's nose out of joint
10 You make his nose warp

source: Dictionary of Proverbs (Wordsworth)

Welcome to VitaminQ

Just to remind you: this site belongs to Roddy Lumsden, a puzzle writer and poet from Scotland now living in Bristol in England. This blog exists as a place where I can post lists, curiosities, spoofs and fragments which please me as a lover of trivia, lists, reference. They are bound to reflect some of my interests which include pop, nature, words, food and literature. I'll post an item most days, so do bookmark and return. If you wish to reprint any of these lists, please include the source, or credit both me and this site if it is an original list. Now read on, you fools...

NECK AND NECK

15 things you need to know about 'throats':

1 'Genghis Blues' was a 1999 film about throat-singing in the small Russian province of Tuva. Throat-singing is also popular among Finns and the Inuit.
2 The throat chakra, in alternative medicine, is properly called the visuddha.
3 Both Linda Lovelace and her former husband Chuck Traynor, best known for the controversial porn film Deep Throat, died in mid-2002.
4 Prayers for the health of your throat should be offered to the following saints: Andrew the Apostle, Ignatius of Antioch, Blaise, Etheldreda, Godelieve, Lucy of Syracuse or Swithbert.
5 Fierce Throat are an experimental choir from Melbourne, Australia.
6 Cut-throat Jake was a bad pirate in TV's 'Captain Pugwash'.
7 Black raspberries are thought to contain a substance which helps prevent throat cancer.
8 Only three people (plus himself) are supposed to know the identity of 'Deep Throat', the informer in the Watergate scandal, though investigators now have it down to just a handful of possible suspects.
9 'The Woman With Her Throat Cut' is one of Giacometti's most famous sculptures.
10 Operation Rubythroat is an attempt to promote the well-being of hummingbird species.
11 Both the word gules (red in heraldry) and gargoyle come from old French words for 'throat'.
12 A Deep Throat cocktail contains vodka, Tia Maria and whipped cream. Feech!
13 'Cut throat pinochle' is a card game.
14 The Anglo Saxon name for the thistle meant 'boar's throat' due to the bristles.
15 Throat Coat Tea is a herbal brand aimed at curing 'Teacher's Voice', a throat condition.

source: various;

NUMBER ONE?

The ten worst UK number one hits from each decade:

The 1960s

1 Wooden Heart - Elvis Presley
2 Michael - The Highwaymen
3 How Do You Do It - Gerry & the Pacemakers
4 Little Children - Billy J Kramer & the Dakotas
5 Sunny Afternoon - Kinks
6 Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
7 Green Green Grass of Home - Tom Jones
8 Hello Goodbye - The Beatles
9 Ballad of Bonnie and Clyde - Georgie Fame
10 Where Do You Go To, My Lovely - Peter Sarstedt

The 1970s

1 My Sweet Lord - George Harrison
2 Can the Can - Suzi Quatro
3 Give a Little Love - Bay City Rollers
4 Mississippi - Pussycat
5 When a Child is Born - Johnny Mathis
6 Chanson d'Amour - Manhattan Transfer
7 Lucille - Kenny Rogers
8 Figaro - Brotherhood of Man
9 I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
10 One Day at a Time - Lena Martell

The 1980s

1 Woman - John Lennon
2 Oh Julie - Shakin' Stevens
3 Ebony and Ivory - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
4 Beat Surrender - The Jam
5 Is There Something I Should Know - Duran Duran
6 I Just Called to Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
7 Caravan of Love - Housemartins
8 I Owe You Nothing - Bros
9 Mistletoe and Wine - Cliff Richard
10 Belfast Child - Simple Minds

The 1990s

1 Saviour's Day - Cliff Richard
2 Ain't No Doubt - Jimmy Nail
3 Ebeneezer Goode - The Shamen
4 Would I Lie to You - Charles and Eddie
5 No Limit - 2 Unlimited
6 Ready or Not - Fugees
7 Beetlebum - Blur
8 I Wanna Be the Only One - Eternal
9 All Around the World - Oasis
10 Deeper Underground - Jamiroquai

Note: I've avoided novelty hits, Eurovision pap and most dodgy cover versions.

THE JAGS

Thistle - The List

1 Slender thistle
2 Musk thistle (Nodding thistle)
3 Brook thistle
4 Melancholy thistle
5 Cabbage thistle
6 Meadow Plume thistle
7 Dwarf thistle (Ground thistle)
8 Spear thistle
9 Creeping thistle (Way thistle)
10 Tuberous thistle
11 Carline thistle
12 Milk thistle (Marian thistle)
13 Woolly thistle (Scotch thistle)
14 Welted thistle (Field thistle)
15 Marsh thistle
16 Tuberous Plume thistle
17 Common Star thistle
18 Slender-Flowered thistle
19 Yellow Star thistle (St Barnaby's thistle)
20 Holy thistle (Blessed thistle)
21 Marsh Plume thistle
22 Meadow thistle

The Sow thistle is a thistle in name only and is not by any other name still a thistle.

Source: various

POETRY IN BRIEF

Those Daily Trumpet Books Pages reviews in full:

Will Thesedo finds joy and trauma in three astoundingly paperbacky recent collections

Since Harry Flump's last book, he has written one other book and this (Thoughts, Cape £8) is it. This thoughtful volume by the Northern poet could be described as thoughtful, or perhaps, at a stretch, Flumpian. Its subjects include death, love and the death of love. This reviewer found it similar to his last collection, almost to the point where it could be said to be influenced by the work of Harry Flump. One to watch.

Frances Sponge's debut Pretty Little Fishkins (Bloodaxe $8.47), a first collection, is, tantalisingly, her first book of poetry. Her work could be described as visceral, or, at times almost, calm. It is credible, almost to the point of viable in today's society, though its nature poems lack an urban edge. At 80 pages it is a long collection, though not as long as it would be, were it, say, 112 pages.

The overdue Nodding Sagely, the Selected Poems of Conor Beardaigh (Shamrock e8.99) has been a long time coming, and can be described as long awaited, especially by those of us who enjoy the work of Irishmen with beards, or even other facial hair. It can be described as neither good nor bad, for it is both, especially when the bleakly urban poems show a gritty lack of agrestic nuance.

(Will Thesedo will be reading from his recent pamphlet collection The Realm of Raw Flesh at Ottakar's, Nantwich, last Thursday; The Daily Trumpet will review more poetry collections in around two years' time, though if any poet dies, or writes a novel, we will publish a large picture of them, perhaps even in a bikini if it's a bit of posh totty like Lucinda Buckle)

BIBLICAL FUN

Some no-nos from Leviticus:

-Wearing certain types of jewelry
-Eating certain kinds of meat, e.g. pork, rabbits, camels.
-Sexual intercourse during a woman's menstrual cycle
-Tattoos
-'Male homogenital acts'
-Wearing clothing made from blended textiles
-Cross-breeding livestock
-Sowing a field with mixed seed
-Eating certain seafood, i.e. without fins or scales (shrimp, crab, oysters, etc).
-Men cutting their hair or shaving their beards

source: Le Bible; Thanks to AB Jackson

GANGS ALL HERE

The Gang of Four
(Chinese hardliners)

1 Wang Hongwen
2 Yao Wenyuan
3 Zhang Chunqiao
4 Jiang Qing

The Gang of Four
(late 70s rock group)

1 Andy Gill
2 Dave Allen
3 Hugo Burnham
4 Jon King

The Gang of Four
(SDP founders)

1 Shirley Williams
2 William Rodgers
3 Roy Jenkins
4 David Owen

SYMPHONIC HOLOCAUST

Some highlights from the long song list (see below for url). Even as one who was brought up on Man, SBB and Olias of Sunhillow, I'm not sure I could stomach much of this. Lasting between 15 and, eek, 79 minutes, I can't say they are all progathons, but they sure do smell of it:

1 Metaphor - Starfooted in a Garden of Cans
2 Gandalf - The River of Permanent Changes
3 Devil Doll - The Sacrilege of Fatal Arms
4 Grobschmitt - Rockpommels Land
5 Shadow Gallery - The Queen of the City of Ice
6 Priam - Initiatic Quotient of the Monk
7 Vulgar Unicorn - Under the Umbrella
8 Kalaban - Eyes of a Seer
9 Morte Macabre - Symphonic Holocaust
10 Black Jester - Inferno
11 Gryphon - Midnight Mushrumps
12 Frohmader - Homunculus part IV
13 Pulsar - The Strands of the Future
14 Manowar - Achilles, Agony and Ecstasy
15 Spock's Beard - The Great Nothing

source: Long Song List (see below)

BARD OF CURD

10 poems by The Cheese Poet James McIntyre (1827 - 1906) a rival for McGonagall as worst ever Scottish poet. He lived in Canada from his teens onwards and found cheese a fitting subject for his whimsy:

1 Ode on the Mammoth Cheese
2 Oxford Cheese Ode
3 Fertile Lands and Mammoth Cheese
4 Ensilage
5 Prophecy of a Ten Ton Cheese
6 Dairy Ode
7 Father Ranney the Cheese Pioneer
8 Lines Read at a Dairymen's Supper
9 Hints to Cheese Makers
10 Lines Read at a Dairymaids' Social 1877

THE GREAT AEGINRST MACHINE

In the world of lists about words, one stands as the top-whack caviar, the Arctic Red, the most unspeakably toothsome. This is 'the great AEGINRST machine' begun in the mid-60s by Dmitri Borgmann, updated by Jeff Grant a few years back and reproduced in Making the Alphabet Dance by Ross Eckler (Macmillan), the big cheese in the world where words and statistics meet. The list, too big to retype here, finds 157 transpositions (anagrams) of these 8 letters. Some examples:

'Simple' words:

angriest
astringe
gantries
gastrine
genistra
granites
negritas
rangiest
ring-seat
tearings

Place names:

Ginestar (Spanish town)
Registan (area of Afghanistan)
Restinga (Moroccan town)
Tiranges (French town)

Surnames:

Arnestig
Astering
Astinger
Atsinger
Estringa
Garstein
Gersaint
Graneist
Ingertsa
Sargenti
Serganti
Serignat
Stainger
Staniger
Steingar
Striegan
Tangires

(The list also includes several plurals of surnames eg Entigar, Reignat, Gantier, as in 'we're off to visit the Gantiers')

Oddities:

angrites (meteoric stones)
gaitners (those who set up single sheaves of corn)
ganister (a mineral)
genitras (old word for the testicles)
gratines ('is cooking au gratin')
Grisante (another name for St Chrysanthus)
ingestar (an Italian wine measure)
reasting (dialect, becoming rancid)
retangis ('is lamenting again', from a Maori word)
Targesin (tradename antiseptic)
Tigranes (name of several Armenian kings)

source: Making the Alphabet Dance (R Eckler, Macmillan 1997), the list originates in the journal Word Ways

Notes (by RcL): It seems to me that this list could be stretched further than 157 anagrams. The rules run thus: "... any English-language dictionary, gazetteer or telephone directory is allowed, including inferred forms (plurals, past tenses etc), multiword phrases and citation form plurals (eg Rigantes = people named Rigante)...." The list allows foreign personal and place names yet doesn't use foreign words per se, so if there is a word grenista, say, in Spanish it is not included.

Considering "inferred forms", we might shift the rules slightly to include words which may not have a citation, but could understandably have one. For a start, I can see another one: angerist, meaning (at least facetiously) someone promoting anger, say, in a Primal Scream therapy sense. Or, a follower or proponent of the director Kenneth Anger.

Further, we might envisage a set of words which are possible transpositions, future anagrams of the eight letters. Given that the set offers the -s plural and suffixes such as -ite, -ites, -ist, -er, -an, -ian, we can infer a word such as Reganist, a supporter of someone (eg philosopher, politician) called Regan, or Grestian, a supporter of Gresty, or perhaps even a player for or fan of Crewe Alexandra, who play at Gresty Road . Any found surname which is an anagram of RGAEN can, with -ist, also give a possible transition of AEGINRST. Similarly, the list includes the multiword names of real people (eg Stan Gire), but doesn't infer others (eg Erin Stag, Ian Grest).

EXTENDED PLAY

Fifteen very long tracks by long-haired men under the influence of flared trousers:

1. A Treatise on Cosmic Fire (36.00) Todd Rundgren 1975
2. The Ikon (30.22) Utopia 1974
3. Dazed and Confused (live) (26.53) Led Zeppelin 1976
4. Supper’s Ready (22.58) Genesis 1972
5. Nine Feet Underground (22.40) Caravan 1971
6. The Gates of Delirium (21.55) Yes 1974
7. Ritual (21.35) Yes 1973
8. Ricochet Part 2 (21.05) Tangerine Dream 1975
9. The Remembering (20.38) Yes 1973
10. The Revealing Science of God (20.27) Yes 1973
11. Healing (20.00) Todd Rundgren 1980
12. Close to the Edge (18.50) Yes 1972
13. The Ancient (18.34) Yes 1973
14. Singring and the Glass Guitar (18.24) Utopia 1977
15. Shine On You Crazy Diamond (17.34) Pink Floyd 1974

Notes

‘ Treatise on Cosmic Fire’ came with the warning that the grooves were pressed so tightly, a worn stylus would ruin the record instantly.

The two chief culprits here, Todd and Yes, are more closely related than their trans-atlantic roots might imply. Todd Rundgren’s wife is on record lamenting that his career took a downward turn after he discovered Yes. “Every morning I woke to ‘Roundabout’ at full volume and every day he would say his ambition was to write a song as good as ‘Close to the Edge’”

source: Eric Lumsden (thanks to my brother for sending me this list, though it has brought back horrid memories of actually being forced to listen to this sort of stuff in my childhood!)

Further Notes (RcL)

Dorset popologist Marco Rossi adds the following: Aumgn by Can (17.32) (the same LP, Tago Mago, also contains Halleluhwah at 18.32), Pink Floyd's Echoes (23.27) and Van der Graaf Generator's Plague of Lighthouse Keepers / Eyewitness (23.05) which is a whole side long, but is it one song or two? He also notes, from an earlier period, Love's jamathon Revelations (18.57), though maybe stoned jams ought not to count, in the same way I wouldn't let jazz creep cat-footed into the list, since the jazzers just carry on regardless for hours as long as they get applause from beardies now and then?

This whole list pales into significance when you visit www.dprp.vuurwerk.nl/specials/longsong/list.html and see this fellow's comprehensive list, including a 154 minute track from Klaus Schulze, though some might class him as sort of jazz-space-rock.

Away from the silly areas of prog and jazz, there is The Velvet Underground's Sister Ray (17.27), Crispy Ambulance's fab The Presence (13.01) and Television's Marquee Moon (10.40). The longest top 10 hit was The Orb's Blue Room in 1992 (40.00) though the 67 minute EP did contain a radio edit. At the other pole, the shortest hit song I could think of was The Buzzcocks' Love You More (1.46), but I now spot that Buddy Holly's Baby, I Don't Care beats it by ten seconds. I'm sure there are shorter ones... I'll get back to you on this. Rave on!

WHERE IT'S AT

Some foreign names for the @ symbol:

apenstaartje - Dutch for "monkey's tail"
snabel - Danish for "elephant's trunk"
kissanhnta - Finnish for "cat's tail"
klammeraffe - German for "hanging monkey"
papaki - Greek for "little duck"
kukac - Hungarian for "worm"
dalphaengi - Korean for "snail"
grisehale - Norwegian for "pig's tail"
sobachka - Russian for "little dog"

Catachresis at work!

source: coolquiz.com

HANDS OFF MY SPOONS

All these minor crimes were hanging offences in the 1800s in Britain:

1 associating with gypsies
2 setting fire to a hayrick
3 writing on Westminster Bridge
4 impersonating a pensioner of Greenwich hospital
5 writing a threatening letter
6 appearing on the highway with a sooty face
7 damaging a fish pond
8 cutting down a tree
9 secreting notes in a post office
10 stealing a spoon

Well, that's me hung then.

source: the excellent Tasteless Lists (ed K Shaw, Robinson 1998)

IT CAME FROM THE NORTH

26 entertainers who are / were actually Canadian:

1 Pamela Anderson
2 Paul Anka
3 Dan Aykroyd
4 Raymond Burr
5 John Candy
6 Jim Carrey
7 Kid Creole
8 Yvonne de Carlo
9 Michael J Fox
10 Brendan Fraser
11 Margot Kidder
12 Lois Maxwell
13 Rick Moranis
14 Alanis Morissette
15 Mike Myers
16 Leslie Nielsen
17 Matthew Perry
18 Christopher Plummer
19 Jason Priestley
20 Keanu Reeves
21 Robbie Robertson
22 William Shatner
23 Homer Simpson
24 Donald Sutherland
25 Meg Tilly
26 Shania Twain

(NB I've left out non-entertainers and those who everybody knows is Canadian)

THE CUT CUT CUT UP TECHNIQUE

A list of song lyrics with a cutting theme:

I've been misunderstood for all of my life
But what they're sayin', girl, just cuts like a knife
(Neil Diamond, 1967)

It’s the same situation, just cuts like a knife
When you're young, and you're poor, and you're crazy
(Queen, 1974)

Eye for eye and tooth for tooth,
your love cuts like a knife
(Bob Dylan, 1974)

And it cuts like a knife
She’s out of my life
(Michael Jackson, 1979)

The neon love life, oh it cuts like a knife
I hear you call it civilization
(Bonnie Tyler, 1983)

Desire cuts like a knife
I’ll leave you bleeding but I’ll make you feel alright
(Bon Jovi, 1990)

WAITING TO DIE -- NO USE TO DEFY
ABANDON YOUR LIFE -- TRUTH CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!
(Edge of Sanity, 1993)

Stormy weather ...
it cuts like a knife
(Stevie Nicks, 1994)

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
(David Gray, 1998)

...and there are many more of these.

Source: thanks to Andrew Jackson

KURT VONNEGUT'S RULES FOR CREATIVE WRITING

1 Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted
2 Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for
3 Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water
4 Every sentence must do one of two things - reveal character or advance the action
5 Start as close to the end as possible
6 Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them - in order that the reader may see what they are made of
7 Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneunomia.
8 Give your readers as much information as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselvces, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

source: Thanks to Fiona Hall

WHYFORE ART THOU ROMEO?

10 other, erm, unusual names given recently by celebs to their babies:

Hud (John Mellencamp)
Rebop (Todd Rundgren)
Jett (John Travolta)
Arpad ( Elle Macpherson)
Bechet (Woody Allen)
Caledonia (Shawn Colvin)
Gulliver (Gary Oldman)
Sailor (Christie Brinkley)
Zion (Lauryn Hill)
Sonnet (Forest Whitaker)

A LA MODE

At long last, a list of French vegetable garnishes:

1 A l'africaine - with black potatoes and marrow
2 A l'algérienne - with sweet potato croquettes
3 A l'alsacienne - with braised sauerkraut
4 A l'angliase - with sliced carrots and onion
5 A l'anversoise - with hop shoots in cream
6 A la Beauharnais - with artichoke hearts and tarragon
7 A la Biarrotte - with grilled ceps and potato cakes
8 A la boulangère - with sliced potatoes and onions
9 A la bouquetière - with artichokes, carrots and turnip
10 A la bourguignonne - with small whole mushrooms and onions
12 A la brabanconne - with braised chicory
11 A la bretonne - with white or kidney beans
13 A la bruxelloise - with brussels sprouts and small potatoes
14 A la catalane - with sautéed aubergine
15 A la chanoinesse - with carrots and truffle in cream
16 A la châtelaine - with artichoke, chestnut and rice
17 A la clamart - with artichoke hearts filled with peas
18 A la Conti - with puréed lentils
19 A la Cussy - with artichoke hearts and mushroom purée
20 A la Dubarry - with cauliflower in a cheese sauce
21 A la duchesse - with duchess potatoes
22 A la favorite - with braised artichokes, stuffed lettuce and mushrooms
23 A la fermière - with artichoke hearts stuffed with vegetable purée
24 A la flamande - with stuffed green cabbage, carrots and turnip
25 A la forestière - with sautéed morels and potato balls
26 A la hongroise - with cauliflower with cheese and paprika
27 A la jardinière - with carrots, turnip, peas and French beans
28 A la languedocienne - with fried ceps and aubergines
29 A la lyonnaise - with stuffed onions and fondant potato
30 A la maraîchère - with carrots, onion and cucumber
31 A la maréchale - with asparagus tips and sliced truffles
32 A la Marigny - with artichoke hearts filled with sweetcorn and cream
33 A la marocaine - with saffron rice and courgettes
34 A la mascotte - with artichoke hearts, sliced potatoes and truffles
35 A la niçoise - with tomatoes, beans and potatoes
36 A l'orientale - with tomatoes stuffed with rice
37 A la paloise - with potato balls and string beans in cream
38 A la parisienne - with potato balls and braised lettuce
39 A la persane - with aubergine and onion rings
40 A la portugaise - with tomatoes stuffed with mushrooms
41 A la princesse - with asparagus tips in cream
42 A la printanière - with carrots and turnip
43 A la romaine - with spinach and tomato
44 A la sarde - with rice and cheese croquettes and mushrooms
45 A la sarrasine - with pepper and tomato filled buckwheat cakes
46 A la tyrolienne - with fried tomatoes and onion rings
47 A la Valenciennes - with rice and sweet peppers
48 A la Valois - with sautéed artichokes and potatoes

Source: Larousse Gastronomique (1961 edition)