EVER DECREASING CIRCLES

26 clichés and common sayings used as sitcom titles:

1 Only Fools and Horses
2 King of the Hill
3 Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width
4 Absolutely Fabulous
5 Not In Front of the Children
6 Dream On
7 Keeping Up Appearances
8 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
9 Happy Days
10 Love Thy Neighbour
11 Diff'rent Strokes
12 It Ain't Half Hot, Mum
13 To the Manor Born
14 All in the Family
15 Last of the Summer Wine
16 Father Knows Best
17 Are You Being Served?
18 One Foot In the Grave
19 Rising Damp
20 Open All Hours
21 Man About the House
22 Bless This House
23 Till Death Us Do Part
24 The Good Life
25 Don't Wait Up
26 Going Straight

Source: RcL

 
HOW BOOKS SHOULD START part 1

In this strange 'goose-weather', when even the snow and the black-fringed clouds seem like old theatrical properties, dead players' cast off rags, 'the complexion of a murderer in a bandbox, consisting of a large piece of burnt cork, and a coal-black Peruke', and when the wind is so cold that it seems like an empty theatre's 'Sea, consisting of a dozen large waves, the tenth a little bigger than ordinary, and a little damaged', I thought of those medicines that were advertised for Melancholy, in the Anatomy of this disease, of mummies made medicine, and of the profits of Dust-sifting.

Source: page 1 of 'English Eccentrics' by Edith Sitwell

 
POP GOES TO HOLLYWOOD

17 song titles namechecking film stars:

1 John Wayne Is Big Leggy - Haysi Fantayzee
2 Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle - Nirvana
3 Robert DeNiro's Waiting - Bananarama
4 Bette Davis Eyes - Jackie DeShannon
5 Clint Eastwood - The Upsetters
6 Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus
7 Michael Caine - Madness
8 Cary Grant's Wedding - The Fall
9 Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz
10 Monty Got a Raw Deal - REM
11 Winona - Drop Nineteens
12 Charlton Heston - Stump
13 Fred Astaire - Donna Summer
14 Brando - Dory Previn
15 James Dean - The Eagles
16 Chaplin in New Shoes - Chet Atkins
17 Laurel and Hardy - The Equals

Source: thanks Tim Wells (some added by RcL)

 
WHERE?

Some unusual US place names:

Intercourse, Alabama
Chicken, Alaska
Surprise, Arizona
Umpire, Arkansas
Bivalve, California
Parachute, Colorado
Giants Neck, Connecticut
Hourglass, Delaware
Frostproof, Florida
Normal, Georgia
Papa, Hawaii
Fruitland, Idaho
Oblong, Illinois
Fickle, Indiana
Gravity, Iowa
Buttermilk, Kansas
Typo, Kentucky
Waterproof, Louisiana
Bingo, Maine
Boring, , Maryland
Marblehead, Massachusetts
Pigeon, Michigan
Savage, Minnesota
Chunky, Mississippi
Enough, Missouri
Divide, Montana
Valentine, Nebraska
Jackpot, Nevada
Bungy, New Hampshire
Cheesequake, New Jersey
Tingle, New Mexico
Neversink, New York
Toast, North Carolina
Concrete, North Dakota
Fly, Ohio
Bowlegs, Oklahoma
Zig Zag, Oregon
Panic, Pennsylvania
Woonsocket, Rhode Island
Coward, South Carolina
Porcupine, South Dakota
Difficult, Tennessee
Oatmeal, Texas
Mexican Hat, Utah
Bread Loaf, Vermont
Pocket, Virginia
Humptulips, Washington
Quick, West Virginia
Embarrass, Wisconsin
Camel Hump, Wyoming

Source: coolquiz.com which has a large list of odd US town names.

 
WEIRD SISTERS CAFE

That recipe in full:

poison'd entrails
toad's swelt'red venom
fillet of a fenny snake
eye of newt
toe of frog
wool of bat
tongue of dog
adder's fork
blind-worm's sting
lizard's leg
howlet's wing
scale of dragon
tooth of wolf
witch's mummy
maw and gulf of the ravin'd salt-sea shark
root of hemlock
liver of blaspheming Jew
gall of goat
slips of yew
nose of Turk
Tartar's lips
finger of birth-strangled babe
tiger's chaudron
baboon's blood (for cooling)

Source: Macbeth by 'Shakespeare' (some ingredients only available in larger branches)

 
METROPOLITAN

The 10 biggest city areas by population:

1 Tokyo, Japan 26,959,000
2 Mexico City, Mexico 16,562,000
3 Sao Paulo, Brazil 16,533,000
4 New York City, USA 16,332,000
5 Mumbai (formerly Bombay), India 15,138,000
6 Shanghai, China 13,584,000
7 Los Angeles, USA 12,410,000
8 Calcutta, India 11,923,000
9 Buenos Aires, Argentina 11,802,000
10 Seoul, South Korea 11,609,000

Source: 1996 figures for 'urban areas'

 
HACK ATTACK

The 10 most dangerous places to be a journalist:

1 The West Bank
2 Colombia
3 Afghanistan
4 Eritrea
5 Belarus
6 Burma
7 Zimbabwe
8 Iran
9 Kyrgyzstan
10 Cuba

 
BOYS WILL BE...?

A list of boys' nicknames circa 1981, St Andrews, Scotland.

1 False Arms
2 Specs
3 Flash
4 Lumpy
5 Toad
6 Prince
7 Sparry
8 Monkey
9 Baffies
10 Slim
11 Worzel
12 Sticky
13 Chuff
14 Pea
15 Froggy
16 Log
17 Bun
18 Werts
19 Rabbit
20 Bunny
21 Snappo
22 Lugs
23 Flea
24 Dobird
25 Gnome
26 Tento
27 Beans
28 Plum
29 Dozy
30 Tosh
31 Dochick
32 Noz
33 Bummer
34 Dinger
35 Craw
36 Tooly

Boys are never called by their own names. These were the first ones I could think of - there were probably scores more. Which one of the above was mine? Ah that would be telling!

 
COLLECTING DUST

A list of collectible items:

Cigarette cards, bubble-gum wrappers, barbed wire, spark-plugs, hock, anything in the shape of a pig, gold ingots, pewter, traffic cones, beer cans, hypodermic syringes, clocks, rugs, rubber bands, dogs, Lagondas, penny-farthing bicycles, pennies, farthings, golf-balls, billiard-cues, Ming, stones, marbles, mirrors, Constables, accordions, pocket-watches, Dinky toys, Meccano, rope, tobacco tins, hotel-room sewing-kits, airline sick-bags, tulips, train-tickets, electric torches, books of matches, postcards, phonographs, ball-point pens, piranhas, dictionaries, hand-bells, thimbles, cameos, transistor radios, pressed flowers, Christmas cards, mangles, window-glass, initialled handkerchiefs, tiles, bricks, autographs, celluloid film-stock, movie stills, paper, ink-wells, swords, pistols, anchors, fishing-rods, carp...

Source: from The Star Factory (Ciaran Carson 1997)

 
CARRY ON CAMPING

A list of homosexual similes:

as gay as cheese
as gay as the day is long
as gay as an arrow
as gay as Popeye
as gay as a pair of white shorts
as gay as a pink hairnet
as gay as peacocks
as gay as a daisy
as gay as pink ink
as gay as a goose
as gay as a house
as gay as crepe paper
as gay as a window (or windmill?)
as gay as a seal (France)
as gay as a little dog
as gay as a daffodil
as gay as a Care Bear
as gay as birthday cakes
as gay as the Queen of Scots
as gay as a taffeta chandelier
as gay as a lame pigeon (Spain)
as gay as a red squirrel
as camp as knickers
as camp as a row of tents
as camp as a two bob clock
as camp as Christmas (or a Christmas stocking / Number One / Island)
as camp as Kylie
as camp as Dale Winton at a Village People convention
as camp as a drag queen's wardrobe
as camp as tits
as camp as the Liberty Bell
as camp as a scouting jamboree on Daniel O'Donnell's front lawn
as camp as Butlin's
as camp as solid gold bath taps
as camp as brunch
as camp as a tent factory
as camp as tinned ham
as camp as a pair of tights
as camp as a row of mauve Vespas
as camp as a cake-stand
as camp as a fondant fancy
as camp as bottle of coffee and chicory essence
as camp as a vicar's bicycle
as camp as a case of Babycham

Some of these (my favourites) make no sense.

Source: various

 
FAIR TRADE

The seven who went to Widdicombe Fair in the famous song:

Bill Brewer
Jan Stewer
Peter Gurney
Peter Davy
Daniel Whiddon
Harry Hawk
Old Uncle Tom Cobbleigh

 
OOH ER

The German prefix er- can change a verb's meaning in interesting ways denoting, broadly, excess:

brechen - to burst / erbrechen - to vomit
denken - to think / erdenken - to think up
drosseln - to reduce speed / erdrosseln - to choke to death
drücken - to squeeze / erdrücken - to crush to death
fahren - to travel / erfahren - to discover
finden - to find / erfinden - to invent
fassen - to grasp / erfassen - to overcome
forschen - to search / erforschen - to explore
hängen - to hang / erhängen - to hang oneself
nennen - to name / ernennen - to nominate
schlagen - to hit / erschlagen - to smite
pressen - to press / erpressen - to blackmail
sticken - to embroider / ersticken - to smother
trinken - to drink / ertrinken - to drown
wecken - to wake / erwecken - to arouse
weisen - to know / erweisen - to prove

Poetic, nicht wahr?

 
MOLECULARITY

Ever wonder what geeks laugh at when their Red Dwarf and League of Gentlemen videos get worn out? Then here is a list of 25 'hilarious but true' names of molecules and chemical substances:

1 rhamnose
2 moronic acid
3 fukugetin
4 catherine
5 psicose
6 arsole
7 spamol
8 dogcollarane
9 rednose
10 diurea
11 curious chloride
12 munchnone
13 penguinone
14 cummingtonite
15 megaphone
16 betweenanene
17 birdcage
18 bastardane
19 lovenone
20 bi-george
21 windowpane
22 uranate
23 darlingene
24 piano stool
25 welshite

Source: Bristol University Chemistry Dept

 
RECORDINGS

15 tracks which feature the dulcet tones of the recorder:

1 Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)
2 Fool on the Hill (The Beatles)
3 Ruby Tuesday (The Rolling Stones)
4 I've Seen All Good People (Yes)
5 4th of July (Bruce Springsteen)
6 Mother Goose (Jethro Tull)
7 Comin' Back to Me (Jefferson Airplane)
8 Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)
9 If 6 was 9 (Jimi Hendrix)
10 In Dulce Jubilo (Mike Oldfield)
11 Gently Johnny (The Wicker Man soundtrack)
12 Perfect Lovesong (The Divine Comedy)
13 What a Day (Gemma Hayes)
14 Fairy Tales (Stockholm Monsters)
15 Time It's Time (Talk Talk)

Source: Andrew Jackson (last two added by RcL)

 
COLIN ROCKS

16 bands which made it despite having a member named Colin:

1 The Zombies
2 Black
3 Gillan
4 Mull Historical Society
5 Camel
6 Manfred Mann
7 Men at Work
8 Idlewild
9 Magnum
10 Wire
11 Honeybus
12 XTC
13 The Foundations
14 Mungo Jerry
15 Radiohead
16 The Bee Gees

...the last being Colin Peterson, Aussie drummer before the Gibbs went it alone. Factfans may be interested to known that Bee Gee apparently stands, not for Barry Gibb, but for Bill Gates. That's not the multibillionaire, but the DJ who broke them in Oz.

 
CITY CITIES

8 'cities' to be found within NYC:

1 Battery Park City
2 Co-Op City
3 Industry City
4 Lefrak City
5 Long Island City
6 Radio City
7 Starrett City
8 Tudor City

 
CHEER UP!

20 'Jazz' sideline cheerleader cheers:

1 Come on crowd, Yell real loud Go Jazz Go
2 Go go go go Big Jazz Go go go go
4 T-A-K-E Take it Jazz, Take it
5 2 2 2 We want 2
6 Hey, Jazz Give us our wish All we want to hear is xx Swish!
7 Defense attack Get that ball back
8 Jazz are number 1 And don't you forget it
9 Fight Fight Big Purple and White
10 Jazz Fans Stand up and shake the stands Go Jazz Go
11 B-A-S-K-E-T Basket Jazz Victory
12 We've got the power to, We've got the power to, We've got the power to, Stomp you
13 Guard that man, guard that man, Don't let him shoot xx
14 The hoop is open and the net is hot, Make that shot
15 B-e-a-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e Aggressive, Be Be Aggressive
16 Steal it, swipe it any way you like it, take that ball
17 We don't need no music, We don't need no band, All we need is Jazz fans, Jammin' in the stand
18 Thunder, thunder thunderation, We're the Jazz delegation, When we fight with determination, We will create a great sensation
19 Yo baby Yo baby yo baby yo, go Jazz Go Jazz go Jazz GO!
20 Hey, hey you, Get out of our way. Today is the day we will blow you away

source: infosports.net

 
ANDREW NEILSON's TOP TEN OF THE HAPLESS

10) Dick Rowe - The Decca executive who turned down the chance to sign The Beatles.

9)George Weiss aka Captain Rainbow - Peter Cook's trustafarian next-door-neighbour and sometime collaborator. In 1992, George - who had spent years failing to make his Captain Rainbow's Universal Party a force in British politics - inherited £30,000, after squandering the rest of his money on various misguided ventures. Having got his hands on the last of the loot, George decided to initiate his masterplan and use the money to put up deposits for CRUP candidates in the General Election. After advertising in various national newspapers, he attracted the required number of prospective CRUP MPs, most of whom, with startling predictability, promptly pocketed £500 each and were never heard of again.

8) Glen Matlock - Poor old Glen Matlock. The original bassist in the Sex Pistols, and more importantly, the actual writer of their music. Coming up with tunes such as Pretty Vacant and Anarchy in the UK didn't stop the rest of the band forcing
Matlock out in favour of Sid Vicious, a talentless ne'er-do-well. On one occasion, Pistols guitarist Steve Jones devised a punishment for Glen "liking the Beatles". Jones masturbated between two slices of bread and then offered the bassist his ersatz luncheon. Ignorant of the filling, Matlock proceeded to chow down. Such is the fickle nature of prosterity. Sid Vicious is remembered as a tragic pop icon. Glen Matlock is remembered for eating a spunk sandwich.

7) Ben Affleck - Interviewer: You struck gold with 'Good Will Hunting'. Are you still writing screenplays? Baffleck: I haven't longed to write a screenplay again. I've been writing stuff just personally for me. Just single-word stuff to get me through the day. Sometimes I'll write down just 'root' or 'energy'.

6) Jason McAteer's Mum - Republic of Ireland team-mate Ian Harte relates: "The other week Jason gave a Ralph Lauren polo shirt to his mum to wash and those shirts are longer at the back than at the front. His mum didn't spot this until after she'd washed it, thought she'd shrunk the front, and so cut the back to make both sides equal. He says that's where he gets his stupidity from."

5)Brutus and his Masters - Not the Roman. Brutus was a guide dog for the blind in South Bend, Indiana. Unfortunately, Brutus had a habit of leading his masters down flights of stairs, and guided three owners into open manholes in the street. Sadism or canine incompetence? In a case that went to court, Brutus was found guilty of manslaughter and put to sleep.

4) Moby Grape - San Francisco 60s band who should have been massive, but weren't. Their name derives from a 60s 'joke': "What is big and purple and lives at the bottom of the sea?" Hey, surreal man. It all started to go wrong for Moby Grape when they simultaneously released five debut singles - thereby insuring that none of them was a hit. Despite a classic first album, Moby Grape swiftly descended into the usual mismanagement/drugs/madness fare. By 1969, things were so bad that guitarist Bob Mosley left the band...to fight in Vietnam.

3) Ken Charles Barger - In 1992 in North Carolina, Mr Barger accidentally shot himself and died. Waking to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

2) Marcel Proust - Proust was not lucky in love. He bought his lover, Alfred Agostinelli, a light aircraft, which Agostinelli proceeded to crash into the sea off Marseilles, killing himself. Most of us say it with flowers. Marcel said it with light aircraft.

1) Trigger from Only Fools and Horses - "If it's a girl, they're gonna call it Rose, after Del's mum. And if it's a
boy, they're gonna call it Rodney, after Dave."

Source: thanks to Andrew Neilson

 
CLOTH CAPS

A nearly A-Z of materials:

1 armozine
2 beaverteen
3 coothay
4 dornick
5 everlasting
6 fitchew
7 grogram
8 homespun
9 indienne
10 jaconet
11 kersey
12 lustring
13 marquisette
14 nainsook
15 organza
16 petersham
17 qiviut
18 rawhide
19 seersucker
20 tammy
21 union
22 viyella
23 winceyette
24 xydar
25 yuft
26 zibeline

Source: various (thanks to Kathryn Gray for the nearly kosher 'x')

 
CURD L

25 cheeses beginning with L.

1 Langres
2 Lebbene
3 Leigh
4 Leder
5 Lappernas
6 Lebenen
7 Leicester
8 Licki
9 Lombardo
10 Lapland
11 Liptauer
12 Latvysky syr
13 Lisieux
14 Livarot
15 Labaneh
16 Lour
17 Lescin
18 Laguiole-Aubrac
19 Leiden
20 Liederkranz
21 Limburg
22 Levroux
23 Liptauer
24 Lodigiano
25 Luneberg

Source: various

 
FIN

Some extinct fish species:

1 Utah Lake sculpin
2 big spring spinedace
3 stumptooth minnow
4 deepwater cisco
5 harelip sucker
6 Tecopa pupfish
7 Grass Valley speckled dace
8 Ash Meadows killfish
9 June sucker
10 Parras roundnose minnow
11 thicktail chub
12 Lake Titicaca orestias

 
NAUGHTY CHILDREN

Some inappropriate songs young popstars have given us:

1 Musical Youth - Pass the Dutchie: a dutchie, so they said, when the Midlands kids had this novelty hit, was a West Indian cooking pot, but when did you last pass a cooking pot round 'from the left hand side'? And did it 'a-go bong!'. No, I think not too. May have something to do with 'cutchie', a West Indian word for a joint.

2 France Gall - Les Sucettes: naughty Serge Gainsbourg wrote this hit for the teenage vedette. It's a song about a girl who loves to suck lollipops, with all the double entendre madness that you might expect. She was not at all pleased when it was explained to her.

3 Michael Jackson - Ben: an adolescent Mike croons a paean to his great mate Ben, except the song in question was really about a rat from a horror film.

4 The Brady Bunch - Candy: the moppets from the US sitcom sang this (really quite good) bubblegum number. Only the most pure at heart will fail to spot the sexual shenanigans flashing through the 'sweetshop' imagery. 'Sugar shopping all through the night' indeed. I think you will find that candy stores close at sundown.

5 Serge & Charlotte Gainsbourg - Inceste de Citron: it's a pun, apparently. Something to do with zest, but hey, if you're looking for someone to strip half butt-naked in a video and sing an incest ballad with his pubescent daughter, then Serge is your man.

6 S Club Juniors - Automatic High: forget the fact that their new song is called New Direction, a fnarring pun that was lame enough when it was the title of a 70s porn mag, how about this bunch of middle school show offs singing their biggest smash with a lyric quite obviously comparing adolescent sex with drugs. Crazee.

Source: my head.