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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Sunday, March 09, 2003

A dozen examples of Glaswegian slang:

1 mollicate - in Glasgow, this means to defeat, to batter or tear to pieces, as in 'ony mair o' yer lip, Carole Ann, ye wee scunner, an' ahm comin through tae mollicate ye' or 'Ahm no goan back tae see Thistle, they aye get mollicatit.'

2 no danger! - easy, no problems, no worries, it's apples, don't fret, everythin's gonna be all right baby! As in, 'ah cuid len ye a fiver no danger, big man.'

3 varicose veins - children. This is Glaswegian rhyming slang: veins = weans = children.

4 big man - Take a few centuries, add Italians and the Irish to an already short Scots stock and you have an average male adult height of 5 foot 5. Hence, anyone (or family pet or inanimate object) over this height is referred to as 'big man'. As in, 'Yawrigh, big man? Seez wan ae yer oven chips.'

5 the wee Malkie - a bogeyman, or anything nasty or sinister. Why a small person called Malcolm should be Glasgow's bogeyman is a mystery. The term 'malkie' is also used for that most Glaswegian of pleasantries, the headbutt or 'Glasgow kiss'.

6 this is me since yesterday! - meaning I'm exhausted and I've been non-stop busy for a whole day. Said exclusively by elderly women on public transport. I suggest it as a replacement for Glasgow's slogan 'Glasgow's Miles Better', which has been cynically reinterpreted as Glasgow's Smile's Bitter and Glasgow's Males Batter.

7 y'dancin? y'askin? Ahm askin. Ahm dancin. - Social exchange still to be heard in dens of the night. The dance in question will inevitably be either (in clotheshorse clubs) a frotting shamble to nosebleed white label techno or (everywhere else) The Slosh, a proto-line dance beloved by Glaswegians of all ages and sizes.

8 ya dancer! - a cry of triumph. Apparently short for dancing bear. What dancing bears have to do with it, I do not know (but see above). See also 'ya beauty!' which is not strictly Glaswegian.

9 ginger - the term for any fizzy drink, no matter the colour or flavour, but particularly Barr's Irn Bru, the ginger coloured soda with the hard to describe taste which is rife in Glasgow (one of the few world cities where cola is not the best selling soft drink). As in 'Haw Shug, goan get's a bottly ginger, by the way.'

10 ahwsl'ah! - a two syllable, slurred shortening of 'I was like that', accompanied by the suitable facial expression (triumph, disgust, yawn), used when recounting a piquant adventure from recent history, eg 'he goes to me aye, that Gucci suit is hauf price and ahwsl'ah' (grins ear to ear).

11 see you! - An angry or mock-angry way of getting someone's attention or accusing them of some miserable failing: 'See you Davie, yer a toerag an a patter merchant an' ah mean it!'

12 defiNATEly! - a word implying emphasis, still widely used despite the fact that 12% of Glaswegians now know the word 'definitely' is not spelt with an 'a'.

Source: RcL is pure dead brilliant

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