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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Thursday, May 29, 2003
 
RIBTICKLING ACCOUNTS

Some amusing comments from genuine banking application forms:

We have now been introduced to the grandmother, who produced a deposit.
Facilities were reviewed annually, with reviews taking place every 12 months.
The customer was self-employed but lost his job when he made himself redundant.
Our Customer is a self-confessed businessman.
He is an Italian national, trained in Italy and working for the established "family firm" We would therefore like the account opened as soon as possible.
"Purpose of Overdraft" - rent, food, toothpaste and Blutack.
We have been bouncing on him to control him.
The customer is a "Hooray Henry" and a first class prat.
We don't know what colour underpants the customer wears, but we could find out if you need it for your file.
The customer is suffering from internal bleeding and has difficulty controlling his fluid intake which is causing him discomfort with his bladder. Under the circumstances, it would be inappropriate to press him too heavily at this point.
Customer works for the British Antartic Survey. He lists entertainment expenditure as nil as there is not much nightlife in the Antarctic.
Career Development Loan- date of birth - 31 July 1924
Mrs Chamberlain has a joint with her husband.
Our customer is 46 years old, lives with his parents and is interested in model cars. He lives a simple life and is a boring old sod.
As a result of an illness, he died of ill-health.
We have been grilling Mr Bacon over his excesses.
Customer considered "scatterbrained" - has a marriage arrangement of close to open warfare.

NB These are all genuine, unlike the lists of 'hilarious' things written by schoolchildren in exams, or by drivers on insurance claims, which always smell of being made up by people with even more time on their hands than me.

Source: compiled by staff at one of the UK's main banks. Thanks to my banking mole.

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