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~ Wednesday, June 18, 2003
SNEAK PREVIEW No need to read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Exclusively, here at Vitamin Q, we offer a summary of the plot of the new jockbuster: 1 Harry becomes a quillionaire after discovering a secret recipé for chogglit biskicks. 2 Dumbledore gets stuck in a chimney. Harrumph! 3 Harry and chums triumph over the Skonks at the frooble tournament. 4 Draco appears on the TV show Big Wizard. 5 Voldemort is revealed as Harry's real father. Hankies out! 6 Hermione catches the mimbles after mainlining armadillo bile and balti jelly beans. 7 Harry orders phoenix (hence the title) and fries at KFC (Kentucky Fried Cryptids). It's finger-lickin' good, but doesn't it taste a bit like owl? Hmm. 8 Aunt Marge is eaten by dogs while visiting Sock Shop, Skegness branch. 9 The whole story is revealed to exist only in the mind of a bored hobby-boutique owning trophy wife in Bruntsfield. 10 Old Rowley the physick's wife buys Glamis Castle. And Upper Volta. HARRY POTTER - THE WONDER YEARS Those teenage Potter sagas, coming soon: 1 Harry Potter and the Onset of Puberty 2 Harry Potter and the Poster of Avril 3 Harry Potter and the Faceful of Pimples 4 Harry Potter and the Screech of Nu-metal 5 Harry Potter and the Slamming of Doors 6 Harry Potter and the Stash of Porn 7 Harry Potter and the Purchase of Contact Lenses 8 Harry Potter and the Sneer of Disdain 9 Harry Potter and the Litre of Cider 10 Harry Potter and the Diary of Angst Source: by RcL |