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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Wednesday, June 18, 2003

No need to read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Exclusively, here at Vitamin Q, we offer a summary of the plot of the new jockbuster:

1 Harry becomes a quillionaire after discovering a secret recipé for chogglit biskicks.
2 Dumbledore gets stuck in a chimney. Harrumph!
3 Harry and chums triumph over the Skonks at the frooble tournament.
4 Draco appears on the TV show Big Wizard.
5 Voldemort is revealed as Harry's real father. Hankies out!
6 Hermione catches the mimbles after mainlining armadillo bile and balti jelly beans.
7 Harry orders phoenix (hence the title) and fries at KFC (Kentucky Fried Cryptids). It's finger-lickin' good, but doesn't it taste a bit like owl? Hmm.
8 Aunt Marge is eaten by dogs while visiting Sock Shop, Skegness branch.
9 The whole story is revealed to exist only in the mind of a bored hobby-boutique owning trophy wife in Bruntsfield.
10 Old Rowley the physick's wife buys Glamis Castle. And Upper Volta.


Those teenage Potter sagas, coming soon:

1 Harry Potter and the Onset of Puberty
2 Harry Potter and the Poster of Avril
3 Harry Potter and the Faceful of Pimples
4 Harry Potter and the Screech of Nu-metal
5 Harry Potter and the Slamming of Doors
6 Harry Potter and the Stash of Porn
7 Harry Potter and the Purchase of Contact Lenses
8 Harry Potter and the Sneer of Disdain
9 Harry Potter and the Litre of Cider
10 Harry Potter and the Diary of Angst

Source: by RcL

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