WOULD LIKE TO MEET

What those terms used in dating ads really mean:

youthful - bitter at the world
blue-eyed - self-obsessed
semi-retired - arch meddler
cheerful - small talk only
amicable - whistling misfit
confident - hellbound
affectionate - needy, grasping
genuine - in deep despair
sincere - tea-towel dull
self-employed - church mouse, shorn of style
many interests - but none that come to mind
loves socialising - loud, booze-guzzling
enjoys adventures - career fantasist
down to earth - owner of a dishwater soul
vivacious - psychotic
no ties - has criminal record
bubbly - must be centre of attention
likes nights in - ever up for an argument
shy - personality missing in action
sultry - wrath-nursing
gentle - bovine
easy-going - passive-aggressive
positive - stuck in the vicious circle
caring - domineering
loves salsa dancing - sheepishly faddish
loving - broody
outgoing - unfathomable lusts
sporty- lacking a sense of self
own home - neighbours say he was a loner
sophisticated - dreary and middle class
for good times - for an extramarital affair
must be tall - hi, I'm superficial
solvent - misanthropic workaholic
curvy - egglike
impulsive - mercurial, weepy
likes cinema - easily bored, escapist
slim / fit - gangly / balding
home-loving - couch tattie
charming - predatory
witty - can parrot comedy catchphrases
literate - wannabe know-all
distinguished - ancient and bonkers

Source: by RcL