VitaminQ - a temple of trivia lists and curious words
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~ Saturday, September 13, 2003
LIFF REVISITED Part 1 In The Meaning of Liff (Pan 1983), John Lloyd and the late, lamented Douglas Adams used place names to give words to the 'many hundreds of common experiences, feelings, situations and even objects which we all know and recognize, but for which no words exist'. Here at VitQ, I decided to contrive some new Liff-style definitions. More will follow soon: BINGHAM (n) - an especially irritating ring-tone BOGNOR REGIS (n) - the one writer on Heat magazine who actually does watch Hollyoaks CHATSWORTH - (n) - a noisy gaggle of office workers who, having spent all day detesting work, are now happily talking about it for hours in the pub CLOUGH (n) - an hefty and ostentatious shock of frizzy grey hair cultivated by women of a certain age and ilk. Also known as the 'salt-and-pepper helmet' CLUNTON (n) - someone you eventually meet after an amiable email correspondence who has forgotten to inform you that they are endlessly tiresome in real life DREGHORN (n) - a seething right-wing article in the Daily Mail actually written to order by a left-wing twenty-something hack with dinky spectacles eating a hoisin duck wrap DULWICH (n) - one who is smugly au fait with which wine goes with what food and which should be chilled, even though the protocol will be changed again next week DUNFERMLINE (n) - the embossed lettering which books must, by law, have on their covers in order to be on sale in airports FLAXBY (n) - a misunderstood phrase in an email which leads you to think an acquaintance hates you or is developing an unhealthy crush GISSING (participial vb) - being undecided as to whether the tide is coming in or going out KELSO (n) - the last piece of toilet roll which is glued to the cardboard tube LUCKETT (vb) - to sound like Coldplay yet still sell like hot cakes LUDWORTH (n) - one who perpetrates the myth that older equals wiser MAMBLE (n) - an awkward dance, often wrongly called salsa, which is performed by a gathering of women with cloughs (qv) at arts centre evening classes MOFFAT (n) - an understandable error, such as mixing up Cole Porter and Irving Berlin during a game of Trivial Pursuit MOSTYN (n) - an annoying boy in glasses who remembers you NYBSTER (n) - a small, flat ethnic hat often found perched on a clough (qv) QUILQUOX (vb, rare) - to attempt to calculate the likely percentage of people alive who have impersonated a chicken SCALBY (adj) - capable of being fooled repeatedly by rave reviews into buying a new REM album with only two good tracks SNAVE (vb) - to hit 'Send & Receive' again, convinced that you are far too popular and important not to have any email STANBOROUGH (n) - a particularly hard game of FreeCell STARBOTTON - (n) - a meteorite which almost certainly won't hit and destroy the Earth in a few decades time, but which is a good excuse to fill a space in a newspaper TATTERSET (n) - a display of merchandise (eg sweatshirts, key rings, own brand condiments) on sale in a trendy café-bar, which no one wants TAUCHERS (n pl) - the two stinkers in an otherwise good book of short stories TREEN (vb) - to find yourself legitimately but uncomfortably in a hotel above your station TULLOES (n) - the quivering in the jaw of someone who has been listening to a chatsworth (qv) for more than an hour TUMBY (n) - the artistic hobby of a non-artistic person WARMWELL (n) - the particular contentment felt by two local historians who meet and fall in love WENDLING (n) - the electricity-like unease felt in the index finger when having to use an old-fashioned phone with a dial WIGTOFT (n) - the correct name for the terrifying teenage hairstyle nicknamed the 'Hoxton fin' YARLET - (n) a comely young woman who dances near a swimming pool in a rap video Source: by RcL (with a tip of the hat to Lloyd and Adams) |