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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Wednesday, November 12, 2003

A discussion of ten common cigarette brands and stereotypical folks who smokes ‘em:

Roddy: drama students, Sloanes, guys in New York bars (in the olden days)
Marco: prog rock fans
Lucy: "I’ve been travelling for a year and I smoke these now."
Jo: pseudo-traditionalists who inhale with vigour and exhale slowly. Must be in 40s+ age bracket, as I don't know any. Possibly fond of folk music. May also smoke rollies.

John Player Special
Marco: Emerson Fittipaldi lookalikes - anyone with sideboards longer than four inches.
Lucy: snooker hall, middle aged man, drinks mild.
Roddy: supermarket managers, hard middle-class girls, blokes with white socks.

Marlboro Red
Roddy: obsessives, 1980s students, older journalists.
Marco: cowhands, cynical and desiccated single mothers over 40 who make ends meet by waitressing in truckstop caffs.
Jo: odd this one - either hardcore posh horsey types ("What's the point in smoking anything mild, dahling?") or wannabe cowboys who think a brand of fags will detract from the fact they're too old for those leather chaps. Or are they the same thing? Oh - and roofers.
Lucy: 18 year old boys and hardcore 40 a dayers.

Benson & Hedges
Marco: dads and older brothers.
Lucy: teenage girls older than their years, too much makeup, work in Superdrug.
Jo: 40-somethings, stuck in the 80s, longing for the return of days when a bidet with mock-gold fittings and a nice blow-dried tash was something to be proud of, and B&H ads were the epitome of surrealist cool, also blues / jazz aficionados.
Roddy: lad mag readers, people who think The Italian Job is good, barmaids, the Ten Benny English in general.

Embassy Regal
Marco: the hoi-polloi, the Great Unwashed, people for whom Woodbines are too outrageous.
Lucy: divorced, unemployed mothers of 8, living on benefits.
Roddy: outdoor workers of most sorts, tough little men with moustaches, the Scots in general.
Jo: goths, short blokes who like fighting.

Silk Cut
Jo: 40-somethings, people who are 'giving up', teachers.
Lucy: older folk, 'cutting down', posh, dinner parties, part-time smokers.
Roddy: artistes, employment consultants, the unaddicted; me.

Embassy Red
Lucy: teenage boys, 125cc motorbikers, pool playing pub goers.
Roddy: indie kids, barmen, cool students. Cool students who are indie kid barmen. Record producers.
Marco: construction workers and homophobes who 'doth protest too much' and are therefore most probably secretly enraptured by gay porn.

Lucy: I’ve never seen anyone smoke these.
Marco: not so much a cigarette, more a record label that The Mamas & The Papas used to record for.
Roddy: people with false designer labels; rugby and golf fans; those who aspire to, but will never be.

Marlboro Lights
Jo: late 20s, early 30s meeja type or actors (especially in interviews), it's a cigarette without the image of a cigarette.
Marco: ladies.
Roddy: the feckless and tasteless majority, (um, including me if I run out and Jo has some).
Lucy: students and 20 something women, white wine, clubbers, office workers.

Lambert & Butler
Lucy: folk on the dole, waiting for buses.
Marco: No one. Do you know anyone who smokes Lambert & Butler?
Roddy: people who are short of cash; bus drivers; older middle class people.
Jo: skanky teens outside supermarkets, girls with 'council facelifts', boys with previous.

By RcL (30 Silk Cut a week) and (thanks to) J, L and M. And bring back No.6!

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