DESTROY (YOUR IMAGE)

10 not-very-punk moments for British punk heroes:

1 Captain Sensible: 1976 - mooning and mugging for the Damned / 1982 - hits Number One with novelty hit taken from musical South Pacific

2 The Stranglers: 1977 - sleazing and slapping anyone who wants some / 2000 - upping the morale of the bally British troops during gigs in the Balkans

3 Howard Devoto: 1976 - between boredom and breakdown with the Buzzcocks / early 90s - begins job as a photographic librarian

4 Paul Simenon: 1977 - stripping and strutting behind Joe Strummer / 2002 - exhibits his landscape oil paintings in central London

5 Poly Styrene: 1977 - pogoing and yelling with X-Ray Spex / early 80s - converts to Hare Krishna religion and later marries a priest

6 Elvis Costello: 1977 - bristling and yodelling punk-powerpop hits / 1999 - sings a Charles Aznavour ballad for a slushy Hugh Grant movie

7 Feargal Sharkey: 1978 - writhing and keening afront the Undertones / late 90s - company managing director becomes a member of the Radio Authority panel

8 Richard Jobson: 1978 - howling and high-kicking with the Skids / 2002 - Guardian film interviewer turns film director

9 John Lydon: 1976 - gobbing and snarling for the Pistols / early 90s - considers taking a degree in Marine Biology at a Californian university

10 Siouxsie Sioux: 1978 - wailing and wiggling with the Banshees / 1983 - releases pretty pop cover of a Beatles' number

 
A WOMAN'S WORK

10 tips for male supervisors on 'getting more efficiency out of women employees' from the July 1943 issue of Transportation Magazine.

1 Pick young, married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2 When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3 General experience indicates that "husky" girls- those who are just a little on the heavy side- are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4 Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination- one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5 Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

6 Whenever possible, let the female employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

7 Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make for some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

8 Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms.Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman- it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

9 Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

10 Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.

Sadly, this is appears to be real and not a spoof.

 
PEEL ME

The Greatest Hits - if the Velvet Underground had been Scottish:

1 I'm Wee Free
2 Sweet Ginger
3 White Land / White Hill
4 Run Run Runrig
5 Foggy Nation
6 I'll Be You Record
7 Sandy Says
8 Pale Red Hair
9 Whit Gangs Oan
10 Caledonian Son (to Hugh MacDiarmid)
11 Sister Rhona
12 Lady Macbeth's Operation
13 All Tomorrow's Ceilidhs*
14 Venus in Largs

*Thanks to Mr Farhol

 
FACE OFF

Some unusual cyberspace suggestions for what to face:

1 Let's face it... it's time for a face-lift
2 Let's face it... dogs are good food
3 Let's face it... you are what you spend
4 Let's face it... the war is lost
5 Let's face it... baby. I'm seldom on your mind
6 Let's face it... luck does not last a lifetime; unless you die young!
7 Let's face it... sex is not hygienic
8 Let's face it... you yanks are savage animals!
9 Let's face it... the rich are laughing, the poor crying
10 Let's face it... in today's world we are using computers more and more
11 Let's face it... anything can be made intellectual, and half of everything has already been made so
12 Let's face it... umpiring is not an easy or happy way to make a living.
13 Let's face it... Elvira. How many people immigrate to Norway?
14 Let's face it... teamwork will happen with or without team players!
15 Let's face it... bears are free for people with facial disfigurement

Source: Google

 
START THE DAY

Three idiomatic breakfasts:

A Whore's Breakfast: two coffees and four cigarettes

A Dingo's Breakfast: a piss and a look around

A Mexican Breakfast: a cigarette and a glass of water

 
MAJOR STARS

10 names from the US entertainment industry who majored in English literature:

1 Alan Alda
2 Dave Barry
3 Chevy Chase
4 Jodi Foster
5 Chris Isaak
6 Paul Newman
7 Joan Rivers
8 Paul Simon
9 Steven Spielberg
10 Sigourney Weaver

Source: msstate.edu

 
ROLL UP, ROLL UP!

Hello and welcome to Vitamin Q, a toolbox full of gnarls, whisks and splinters...

This is now the biggest trivia site on the web! The busiest and burstingest place for lists and stuff. Just to remind you: this sort-of-a-blog belongs to Roddy Lumsden, a puzzle writer and poet from Scotland now living in Bristol in England. I post trivia lists, curiosities and fragments which please me as a connoisseur of the sequential and the inconsequential.

These tend to reflect my interests which include pop, nature, words, Scotland, TV, food, folklore and literature. I post a few items most weeks, so do bookmark and return. If you forget to do this, and want to get back here, just type Vitamin Q or vitaminq into Google - you'll find me. Remember, there's a huge archive to the left too.

 
LUNCH LINES

A VitQ school dinners special:

A recent BBC survey on school dinners found that people in the UK had the worst memories about these ten foods:

1 Tapioca
2 Cabbage
3 Overcooked vegetables
4 Lumpy mashed potato
5 Lumpy custard
6 Liver
7 Semolina
8 Gristly meat
9 Blancmange
10 Beetroot

Now, I do have some nasty memories about school dinners (East Scotland, circa '71 to '83), especially the chemistry set taste of instant mash, but I have many fond memories of school dinner delights, so in fairness, here are ten good things:

1 Curry, with sultanas. As exotic and unlikely in the early 80s as a date with Yasmin Le Bon
2 Stewed sausages - skinless links thrown in to drown for hours in gelatinous onion gravy
3 Chocolate milk in little boxes
4 Odd 70s rissole type thing made from pork mince and rice - delicious; what was it called? Dutch something?
5 Biscuity base with thick chocolate fudge on top
6 Thinly sliced hot roast in mash-mopping gravy. Roast meat was always served 'a l'écossaise' at home ie roasted then left to go cold and served in thick dollops. Why, why, why?
7 Spam fritters - slabs of processed meat dipped in batter and deep fried. It shouldn't have worked, but the War was still in our blood
8 Glazy jam tart with non-lumpy custard
9 Biscuity, thick pizza with proper cheddar cheese and tomato
10 Scotch pies - the one-eyed, sawdust gentleman himself, in his little round pastry jacket

Source: BBC / JBQ / RcL

 
TAKE CARE!

The 10 most criminally dangerous US cities:

1 Detroit
2 Atlanta
3 St Louis
4 Baltimore
5 Gary
6 Camden
7 Tampa
8 W Palm Beach
9 Compton
10 Memphis

(The current safest is Amherst)

The 10 most criminally dangerous US states:

1 Louisiana
2 Florida
3 New Mexico
4 Maryland
5 Arizona
6 Tennessee
7 Nevada
8 S Carolina
9 Michigan
10 Illinois

(The safest are Maine, Vermont and the Dakotas)

Source: Morgan Quitno

 
LIFF REVISITED Part 1

In The Meaning of Liff (Pan 1983), John Lloyd and the late, lamented Douglas Adams used place names to give words to the 'many hundreds of common experiences, feelings, situations and even objects which we all know and recognize, but for which no words exist'. Here at VitQ, I decided to contrive some new Liff-style definitions. More will follow soon:

BINGHAM (n) - an especially irritating ring-tone

BOGNOR REGIS (n) - the one writer on Heat magazine who actually does watch Hollyoaks

CHATSWORTH - (n) - a noisy gaggle of office workers who, having spent all day detesting work, are now happily talking about it for hours in the pub

CLOUGH (n) - an hefty and ostentatious shock of frizzy grey hair cultivated by women of a certain age and ilk. Also known as the 'salt-and-pepper helmet'

CLUNTON (n) - someone you eventually meet after an amiable email correspondence who has forgotten to inform you that they are endlessly tiresome in real life

DREGHORN (n) - a seething right-wing article in the Daily Mail actually written to order by a left-wing twenty-something hack with dinky spectacles eating a hoisin duck wrap

DULWICH (n) - one who is smugly au fait with which wine goes with what food and which should be chilled, even though the protocol will be changed again next week

DUNFERMLINE (n) - the embossed lettering which books must, by law, have on their covers in order to be on sale in airports

FLAXBY (n) - a misunderstood phrase in an email which leads you to think an acquaintance hates you or is developing an unhealthy crush

GISSING (participial vb) - being undecided as to whether the tide is coming in or going out

KELSO (n) - the last piece of toilet roll which is glued to the cardboard tube

LUCKETT (vb) - to sound like Coldplay yet still sell like hot cakes

LUDWORTH (n) - one who perpetrates the myth that older equals wiser

MAMBLE (n) - an awkward dance, often wrongly called salsa, which is performed by a gathering of women with cloughs (qv) at arts centre evening classes

MOFFAT (n) - an understandable error, such as mixing up Cole Porter and Irving Berlin during a game of Trivial Pursuit

MOSTYN (n) - an annoying boy in glasses who remembers you

NYBSTER (n) - a small, flat ethnic hat often found perched on a clough (qv)

QUILQUOX (vb, rare) - to attempt to calculate the likely percentage of people alive who have impersonated a chicken

SCALBY (adj) - capable of being fooled repeatedly by rave reviews into buying a new REM album with only two good tracks

SNAVE (vb) - to hit 'Send & Receive' again, convinced that you are far too popular and important not to have any email

STANBOROUGH (n) - a particularly hard game of FreeCell

STARBOTTON - (n) - a meteorite which almost certainly won't hit and destroy the Earth in a few decades time, but which is a good excuse to fill a space in a newspaper

TATTERSET (n) - a display of merchandise (eg sweatshirts, key rings, own brand condiments) on sale in a trendy café-bar, which no one wants

TAUCHERS (n pl) - the two stinkers in an otherwise good book of short stories

TREEN (vb) - to find yourself legitimately but uncomfortably in a hotel above your station

TULLOES (n) - the quivering in the jaw of someone who has been listening to a chatsworth (qv) for more than an hour

TUMBY (n) - the artistic hobby of a non-artistic person

WARMWELL (n) - the particular contentment felt by two local historians who meet and fall in love

WENDLING (n) - the electricity-like unease felt in the index finger when having to use an old-fashioned phone with a dial

WIGTOFT (n) - the correct name for the terrifying teenage hairstyle nicknamed the 'Hoxton fin'

YARLET - (n) a comely young woman who dances near a swimming pool in a rap video

Source: by RcL (with a tip of the hat to Lloyd and Adams)

 
SORE THUMBS part 4 - The 80s

Once again, which 1980s Number One hit song lyrics contain these unusual words? I've added some clues... Answers at the end of the August 02 archive:

1 textbooks* (deep down politics)
2 Cebu (watery journey)
3 Renoir (as opposed to a yacht)
4 gallow* (Scots-Irish)
5 gorgon* (nutty)
6 capitan (Latino)
7 starboard* (interplanetary)
8 rapes (don't talk nonsense)
9 biscuits (cold war)
10 manure* (baby father)

*Some were not worldwide hits

 
HEADS OF STATE

People and creatures on US state flags:

California - bear
Delaware - ox, farmer, soldier
Florida - Seminole Indian woman
Idaho - horse, stag, goddess, miner
Illinois - bald eagle
Iowa - bald eagle
Kansas - horse, farmer, bison, hunters, sheep
Kentucky - pioneer, politician
Louisiana - pelican family
Maine - farmer, sailor, moose
Massachusetts - Massachuset, an Indian
Michigan - stags, eagle
Missouri - three bears
Nebraska - blacksmith
New Jersey - two goddesses, horse
New York - two goddesses, eagle
North Dakota - bald eagle
Pennsylvania - horses, eagle
South Dakota - horses cattle
Utah - bees
Vermont - stag, cow
Virginia - female warrior, vanquished tyrant
Washington - George Washington
Wisconsin - badger, sailor, miner
Wyoming - buffalo

 
MIME - THE GREAT HEALER

26 proverbs changed by one letter, but still true:

1 A rolling scone gathers no moss
2 Bed news travels fast
3 Actions speak louder than worms
4 Love is bling
5 Flood is thicker than water
6 A biro in the hand is worth two in the bush
7 Better Sade than sorry
8 Don't wash your dirty liner in public
9 The devil finds work for idle bands
10 Great minks think alike
11 A stitch in time saves Nina
12 If at first you don't succeed, cry again
13 A cat has nine lices
14 Death is the great reveller
15 Don't put all your eggs in one basset
16 A miss is as good as a male
17 History repents itself
18 Everything comes to he who wails
19 Honesty is the best police
20 It's no use crying over spilt milt
21 There's no place like Hove
22 Never cook a gift horse in the mouth
23 Too many Coors spoil the broth
24 A watched pet never boils
25 Where there's a will, there's a war
26 Look before you leak

Source: by RcL

 
DOUGH RE MI

The Best Songs About Pasta Album in the World... Ever!

1 Speedy Linguini - Viv Cionetti
2 Squeeze Me Macaroni - Mr Bungle
3 Spaghetti - Tanya Donelly
4 Lasagne - Stockton's Wing
5 Farfalle - Domenico Modugno
6 Ravioli - Peter Pan's Pixie Players
7 Oodles of Noodles - Tommy Dorsey
8 Macaroni Man - The Three Degrees
9 On Top of Spaghetti - Little Richard
10 Ska Tagliatelle - L'ensemble Rayé
11 Cottage Cheese and Noodles Polka - The Casuals
12 Eating Spaghetti at Pam's - Peter Clemens
13 Surrounded by Lasagne - CH
14 Fusilli - Michael Prime
15 Love and Nuts and Noodles - Rosemary Clooney
16 Spaghetti Betty - Barron Knights
17 Fettucini Manfredo - Manfredo Fest
18 Chianti, Spaghetti, Ravioli - Frank Zander

All genuine, but I can't say I can hum many of these tunes. Best not to try to hum number 14, since it consists of a recording of a pot of pasta boiling on a gas cooker

Source - various

 
YOU THE READER part 85

Our monthlyish look at unusual search engine requests which have led to VitQ:

1 feature belching
2 list of cute nicknames*
3 nicodemus cobra garden**
4 James Kelman goth***
5 guinness + raw egg + Trinidad
6 queem hot space****
7 squelch
8 ciggy, jiggy the onion rings*****
9 ovaltine in Sweden******
10 bovver boy poem*******

* 'Wicked Cat', 'Clingy Monkey', 'Puddock' 'Pippin'
** whatever this is, I bet it's on 4AD records
*** don't have effing nightmares, by the way
**** would this be the Queem which had hits with 'Immuendo' and 'Dom't Stop Me Mow'?
***** I haven't a clue - maybe it's a Euro novelty band Ciggy & Jiggy & the Onion Rings play the ballads of Def Leppard on kazoos and rubber bands?
****** no sleep till Stockholm
******* Maybe 'The bovver boy stood on the burning decking...'

Source: the tracker

 
SOFT CENTRES

Some cloths and garments which take their names from places:

astrakhan - lambswool cloth originally from the Caspian port of that name
balaclava - woollen head covering, presumably worn to keep out the chill in Balaklava in the Crimea
balmoral - a man's bonnet, after the royal palace in Scotland
basque - name used for various garments; originally a pleated jacket worn by women of the Basque region of Spain
breton - white brimmed hat, as worn by women in Bretagne in northern France
buckram - the name of this stiff fabric may be connected to the lost Tartar city of Bukhara
cashmere - fine goat's-wool cloth from Kashmir in India
cravat - the neck-scarf was commonly worn by Croat soldiers and merchants
denim - 'de Nîmes', from the town in France where the cloth supposedly originates
derby - US name for the bowler hat, named for the middle England city
Dunstable - a straw hat, from the town in Bedfordshire, England
galligaskins - baggy trews of yesteryear, derive their name from a corruption of an old French word for 'Greek-style'
glengarry - ribboned Scottish cap for men, named after the northern town
guernsey - tight woollen jumper, after the Channel island
Homburg - felt hat originally from the German town
Inverness - a long coat with a cape, suitable for the weather around the north Scottish city
jean - a cotton from Genoa in Italy, giving its name to jeans
jersey - fine wool, or the garment properly made from it; from the Channel island more commonly associated with cows
jodhpurs - tight, thick trousers for horse-riding, taking their name from the Indian city of Jodhpur where a local maharajah designed them to replace easily torn riding pyjamas
kolinski - mink fur from the Kola peninsula in northern Russia
madras - a patterned silk fabric from the Indian city
melton - a thick cloth originally made in Melton Mowbray, England
nankeen - dark cotton material, once a speciality of the Chinese city of Nanking
oxford - a light cotton cloth
paisley - patterned fabric based on designs from the rainy Scottish town
panama - hot-weather hat named after Central American state, despite being from nearby Ecuador
polonaise - a woman's frock and underskirt, in the rustic Polish style
satin - may derive from the Chinese city of Zaitun, or may not
tuxedo - the American jacket for evening wear takes its name from Tuxedo Park, a resort in New York state popular with wealthy socialites in the early 20th century
ulster - a long style of overcoat first made in Northern Ireland

Some near misses:

acton - stuffed military jacket; named from the Arabic for cotton, not the London suburb
cardigan - named after a Lord of that name, not the place
nubia - woolly headscarf for women, from the latin for cloud; nothing to do with the African area
nylon - the man-made fibre was said to be named after New York and London but this is probably not true, the word being a corruption of No-run, the original name suggested.
raglan - this overcoat is also named after a lord
tweed - from 'twilled' meaning woven; probably not from the Scottish river

Source: various

 
NO THAIS

18 recent songs the Thai Cultural Ministry wants to ban for promoting adultery and promiscuity:

1 I Fear No Sins (Bo Yan Bab) by Yinglee Sreechumpol
2 I Fear Sin (Ai Yan Bab) by Phaithoon Nhunchoke
3 Big Flabby Buttocks (Tai Aon Yaon) by Phaithoon Nhunchoke
4 Secret Lover (Choo Tang Jai) by Dhanin Indarathep
5 Wrong Way To Love (Pid Tang Rak) by Suthep Wongkamhaeng
6 Leftovers (Suan Kern) by Dowjai Paijit
7 One Woman, Two Men (Nueng Ying, Song Chai) by Dowjai Paijit
8 I Love Her Husband (Chan Rak Pua Khao) by Sinjai Plengpanich
9 My Wife Had An Affair (Mia Pee Mee Choo) by Chai Muangsing
10 Tears Of A Lieutenant's Wife (Num Ta Mia Nai Roi) by Jintara Poonlab
11 Lover (Choo Rak) by Why Not Seven
12 A Mistress' Ultimatum (Kham Khad Mia Noi) by Kanista Thaidachai
13 A Step-Husband (Pua Boontham) by Samphan Seripab
14 Lover (Choo) by Lhong Longlai
15 Love In Mind (Rak Nai Jai) by Winai Panthurak
16 The Door Crushes The Hand (Pratu Neeb Mue) by Paijit Aksornnarong
17 I Know That, But I Still Love You (Tang Roo Koh Rak) by Charas Phuang-arom
18 Is It Sinful For Us To Love? (Bab Nak Rue Ta Rao Ja Rak Kan) by Suthep Wongkamhaeng

Source: The Nation

 
DIFFERENT STROKES

Some of the more unusual picture categories on an adult web site:

1 army
2 backseat
3 beads
4 biker
5 boss
6 braces
7 catfight
8 cotton
9 cucumber
10 desk
11 electrified
12 experienced
13 firefighter
14 ghetto
15 gun
16 hotel
17 hypnotized
18 librarian
19 lotion
20 Mardi Gras
21 midget
22 nerdy
23 nun
24 oiled
25 piano
26 poor girl
27 puking
28 sandwich
29 skank
30 snowballing
31 spring break
32 spy
33 squirt
34 Sybian
35 tennis
36 tub
37 vampire
38 wax
39 wine
40 wrapped
41 Xmas
42 yacht

Source: tiava.com (which I, erm, stumbled across while looking for, um, stuff about yachts)