OPPOSITES ATTRACT

A few words which mean the opposite of how they sound:

pulchritudinous - should mean: horribly covered in boils; does mean: very beautiful.
hagiography - should mean: a biography tearing the subject's character to shreds; does mean: an over-praising biography.
persiflage - should mean: a stream of persecutory invective; does mean: playful banter.
dilate - should mean: of an aperture, to grow smaller; does mean: to spread out or expand.
droll - should mean: sad and humourless; does mean: cleverly witty.
inflammable - should mean: incapable of burning; does mean: easily set alight.
disembark - should mean: to leave port, to go on a journey; does mean: to leave a ship.
embark - should mean: to enter port, return from journey; does mean: to get on a ship.
spendthrift - should mean: one who is careful with money; does mean: one who spends freely and wastefully.
dirigible - should mean unmoveable, tied to earth; does mean: navigable, as of an airship.

Source: list by John Stammers

Roddy adds:

numptious - should mean: unpleasant and arrogant; does mean: delightful and cuddly.
cataglottal - should mean: bunged up with phlegm; does mean: pertaining to passionate kissing with tongues.
wiseacre - should mean: a bright person dripping wit and wisdom; does mean: a naive fool.

 
THE KING IS DEAD

The strange deaths of some British monarchs:

Edmund Ironside - spear attack - Saxon toilets consisted of a wooden seat with a pit dug below. Edmund is said to have been killed by two thrusts up the rectum from a sword-wielding enemy soldier who was hiding in the pit.

William the Conqueror - horse accident: William died in France in September 1087, having sustained serious injuries a few weeks before when his horse reared up and threw him.

William II - arrow in the heart: William Rufus, an unpopular king, was shot in the heart while hunting deer in the New Forest. It may have been an accident, perhaps even a self-afflicted one, but the king had so many enemies, even within his own hunting party, that murder seems more likely.

Henry I - surfeit of lampreys: Henry died in his late 60s while on a hunting trip in Normandy. It appears to have been a case of greed. At a feast, Henry had partaken of a large amount of lampreys (small eels), a favourite dish of his. The resulting intestinal problems finished him off.

Richard I - gangrene: Having survived wars, crusades and imprisonment by the age of 35, Richard died a few years later after an arrow grazed his shoulder during a trifling battle in France in 1199. Gangrene set in and the minor wound was enough to do for him.

John - greed: the unpleasant King John died of natural causes in 1216 but, seeing as he was only 48 at the time, it is thought that his hugely overweight frame, caused by lifelong gluttony, was a major factor.

Alexander III - ‘drunk driving’: in 1286, after a drunken feast at Edinburgh Castle, this Scottish king, hungry for his new, young wife, decided to undertake the five hour ride back to his home in Fife, despite a freezing storm. While riding along the clifftops, lost in the darkness, his horse is thought to have panicked and thrown him over the edge to his death.

Edward II - red hot poker: Queen Isabella, tiring of her older husband who had had relationships with male courtiers, hatched a plot with her lover Mortimer to overthrow him. Mortimer had Edward murdered at Berkeley Castle. A red-hot bar of iron was thrust up his rear-end. He died screaming; the corpse was said to have borne a terrifying grimace.

Richard II - murder: crowned at the age of 10 and taking charge of England in his mid-teens, Richard started well, but by his late twenties had become a dangerous tyrant. Having been forced to abdicate in 1399, in favour of his hated relative Henry IV, he was quietly done away with in Pontefract Castle the following year.

Richard III - in battle: at the age of 32, Richard led his large, experienced army against Henry Tudor’s supposedly weaker forces. But great bands of men began deserting Richard for the Tudor side and he died in the thick of a battle he ought to have won.

Edward VI - poison?: in 1553, still only in his mid-teens, the promising boy-king had fallen victim to tuberculosis. He may have been helped along the way with poison by the power-hungry Duke of Northumberland. The night of his death was marked by a terrible storm all over England.

William III - death by mole: the frail and grieving William was riding his horse Sorrel when it tripped on a molehill and collapsed. William fell and his broke his collarbone. He died of a fever some days later, never quite recovering from the accident.

George I - seasickness: the German-born king, never comfortable with his life as British King, spent much of his later life back in Hanover. He was on his way there when he had a stroke which was rumoured to have been brought on by nausea from overeating melons in an attempt to soothe seasickness. He was taken to nearby Osnabrück Castle where, by chance, he died in the same room in which he had been born.

George II - toilet trouble: George died at the ripe age of 78 in 1760. When his servant heard troubled sounds emanating from the palace lavatory, he was not too worried, since the king had notorious bowel troubles and could make a lot of noise. However, on investigation it turned out that the king had collapsed with the strain of it all, and had smashed his head open on fittings as he slumped dead.

Source: various

 
H.A.P.P.Y.

Some cheerful similes:

1 as happy as a pig in mud
2 as happy as can be
3 as happy as a clam*
4 as happy as Larry
5 as happy as the day is long
6 as happy as a lark
7 as happy as kings
8 as happy as a box of birds
9 as happy as a dog at the beach
10 as happy as a sandboy**
11 as happy as a kid in a candy store
12 as happy as a bag of wigs
13 as happy as the cat that got the cream
14 as happy as a bull in a spring paddock
15 as glad as a breeze
16 as glad as a fox in his nest
17 as glad as a bird in May
18 as glad as adders
19 as glad as a newborn kitten
20 as glad as the shamrocks
21 as pleased as a kitten with a ball of wool
22 as pleased as a jay with a bean
23 as pleased as a kid with a new toy
24 as pleased as a peach
25 as pleased as a fox in a henhouse
26 as pleased as a Cheshire cat
27 as pleased as a chickadee with a sunflower seed
28 as pleased as a peacock
29 as pleased as a dog with a bone
30 as pleased as a sailor on his wedding day
31 as pleased as a little dog with two tails
32 as pleased as pie
33 as pleased as a penny carrot
34 as pleased as punch
35 as pleased as a pig in a poke
36 as pleased as a brass ha’penny

* in full, ‘a clam at high tide’ ie when it would not be picked
** sandboys provided sand for the floors of shops and taverns. It could be a lucrative business, with little outlay and the prospect of lost coins and valuables sifted from the dirty sand carted away

 
THE FOOL PACK

Other words for idiot:

blockhead / ignoramus / nitwit / moron / noodle / schmuck / jackass / ba’heid / clown / plonker / duffer / birdbrain / goose / twit / galoot / spaz / dingbat / gull / clodpoll / plum / ninny / chump / dimwit / gimbo / silly-billy / pinhead / imbecile / dunderhead / booby / kook / fathead / mug / tomfool / ass / greenhorn / numbskull / lemon / cretin / dobird / schlep / daftie / nutjob / gumph / lummox / simpleton / airhead / buffoon / thicko / gowk / stupe / clot / doofus / bonehead / schlemiel / pudding / dullard / pranny / divvy / glaik / scatterbrain / twerp / knucklehead / goon / halfwit / bumpkin / dork / screwball / dolt / mooncalf / nincompoop / pea-brain / oaf / mong / loonie / dumbo / jobernowl / lunk / corner-boy / dummy / dope / special / feeb / juggins / featherbrain / muttonhead / moke / sammy / dimbulb / eejit / shit-for-brains / wally / meathead / dip / gomeril / zany / lamebrain / cuckoo / lackwit / goof / schmo / dumb-bell / beetlehead / mumchance / boofhead / fondling / woodcock / jughead / cuddy / malt-horse / omadhaun / stumer / dweeb / Charlie / wigeon / goop / snipe / coof / josser / cluck / sumph / muggins / dodo / dill / sawney / gubbins / nong / Tom-noddy / doylem / muppet

 
THIS NEXT SONG IS CALLED...

Some of the less likely titles of US Top 40 hits over the decades:

1432 Franklin Pike Cirle Hero (Bobby Russell 1968)
Alvin’s Harmonica (The Chipmunks 1959)
Bobby Sox to Stockings (Frankie Avalon 1959)
Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft (The Recognised Anthem of World Contact Day) (Carpenters 1977)
Cheeseburger in Paradise (Jimmy Buffett 1978)
The Days of Sand and Shovels (Bobby Vinton 1969)
Don’t Go Out Into the Rain (You’re Going to Melt) (Herman’s Hermits 1967)
Don’t Let the Rain Come Down (Crooked Little Man) (Serendipity Singers 1964)
Dreams of the Everyday Housewife (Glen Campbell 1968)
Epistle to Dippy (Donovan 1967)
Fa All Y’All (Da Brat 1994)
Glycerine (Bush 1996)
Groovy Grubworm (Harlow Wilcox 1969)
Hey, Bobba Needle (Chubby Checker 1964)
Hey Little Cobra (The Rip Chords 1964)
Hot Diggity (Dog Ziggity Boom) (Perry Como 1956)
Jeremiah Peabody’s Poly Unsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills (Ray Stevens 1961)
Like, Long Hair (Paul Revere & The Raiders1961)
Muskrat Love (Captain & Tennille 1976)
New York Mining Disaster 1941 (Bee Gees 1967)
Pandora’s Golden Heebie Jeebies (The Association 1966)
Popeye the Hitchhiker (Chubby Checker 1962)
She’s a Bad Mama Jama (She’s Built, She’s Stacked.) (Carl Carlton 1981)
Sister Mary Elephant (Shudd-Up!) (Cheech & Chong 1973)
Sweet Cream Ladies, Forward March (The Box Tops 1969)
Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) (Sly & the Family Stone 1970)
(The System of) Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether (Alan Parsons Project 1976)
thuggish ruggish-Bone (Bone Thugs-N-Harmony 1994)
Velcro Fly (ZZ Top 1986)
You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd (Roger Miller 1967)
Your Bulldog Drinks Champagne (Jim Stafford 1975)

 
DON’T LET NATURE KILL YOU

10 poisonous natural substances to avoid:

1 The yellow fruit called the ackee, common in African and West Indian cooking was formerly banned in the USA. The problem lies in knowing just when the fruit is ripe. Too soon or late and the fruit can poison or even kill you.

2 Although a stimulant in tiny quantities, in coffee and other drinks, caffeine is extremely toxic if ingested in larger amounts.

3 Industrial ethanol, sometimes used as a fuel, is not good for us, though many people used to drink it as a cheap and potent booze. To combat this, manufacturers add methanol, which is poisonous, to make methylated spirits.

4 Though most turtles are edible and are commonly eaten in various parts of the world, a few species, including the hawksbill turtle, have skin and flesh which contains chemicals which are toxic.

5 In rural India, food shortages sometimes drive people to exist on tanku peejaw, a simple gruel made from boiled mango seeds. Unfortunately, when the seed paste is left for a day or two, it ferments into a deadly pulp which has killed many people.

6 The fleshy red part of rhubarb makes a tasy ingredient for a pie, but the leaves are very poisonous and must never be eaten. The leaves of potato and tomato plants are also both harmful.

7 As part of the defence against the rigours of the Arctic lifestyle, the polar bear stores large amounts of vitamin A in its liver, so much in fact that to eat a dish of the liver might well cause a hunter to suffer a fatal overdose.

8 The fugu, a Pacific blowfish, is responsible for over 100 diner deaths each year in the Far East. It contains a toxin, a drip of which can be lethal when it meets the nervous system. Chefs must be licensed to laboriously prepare and cook the fish which is predictably expensive.

9 Learning to tell edible fungi their from poisonous and emetic cousins can be difficult, but there are often clues in the names - death cap, death angel, panther cap, destroying angel. And the sickener mushroom will, as you might imagine, make you vomit.

10 Some poisonous plant names also contain clues - deadly nightshade, bleeding heart, dogbane, devil’s trumpet. Since the mountain laurel shrub is also known as the lambkill, calfkill and sheepkill, you might want to keep your farm animals away from it.

Source: various

 
CIN CITY

20 US cities which have given their names to movies:

1 New York (1927)
2 San Francisco (1936)
3 Honolulu (1938)
4 Reno (1939)
5 Pittsburgh (1942)
6 San Antonio (1945)
7 New Orleans (1947)
8 Albuquerque (1947)
9 El Paso (1949)
10 Tucson (1949)
11 Tulsa (1949)
12 Dallas (1950)
13 Fort Worth (1951)
14 Nashville (1975)
15 Memphis (1991)
16 Philadelphia (1993)
17 Omaha (1994)
18 Kansas City (1996)
19 Fargo (1996)
20 Chicago (2002)

 
THE -GGY FILES Part 2

More interesting slang and conversational words end in -ggy (or -ggie).

doggy - like a dog, as in doggy style (sexual position) and doggy paddle (swimming stroke)
foggy - slow-thinking; ambiguous
groggy - here’s how a French term for ‘wide grained cloth’ (gros grain) became a word meaning exhausted or punch-drunk. The cloth was Anglicized to grogram and was worn by 18th century military men such as Admiral Vernon whose grogram cloak earned him the nickname ‘Old Grog’. It was Vernon who decided that Navy rum rations were too potent and ought to be diluted. This lesser potion was named ‘grog’ and this term later caught on for booze in general, hence groggy meaning intoxicated and its subsequent current meaning
froggy - English slang for French, from the French habit of eating frogs’ legs. ‘I see those froggy farmers are protesting again!’
moggy - a cat, especially a non-pedigree specimen
proggy - resembling ‘progressive rock’, the jazz and classical influenced musical style of the early 1970s; ‘This is Yes at their most proggy.’
snoggy - involving amorous kissing; willing to partake in athletic tonsil hockey
soggy - soaked with moisture; inane or insipid
buggy - a pushchair for infants
chuggy - common UK slang for chewing gum
druggie - a drug addict
fuggy - of the air in a room, overly warm or smoky
luggy - in Scots slang, having big ears, or prone to eavesdropping
puggy - in Scots dialect, a monkey (from pug meaning a flattened nose, as in the dog breed); also, in Scotland and Ireland, slang for any gambling machine (‘I’ve just bunged eight quid in the puggy and I’ve left a good hold.’)
spuggy (or spyuggy) - a sparrow, esp. a young one
tuggy - of the hair, knotted or matted
boogie - to dance to vigorous music; to leave a location (‘this party is total pants, let’s boogie’)
skoogy - in Scots dialect, the bulge of the female pudenda in tight clothing or swimwear, the female equivalent of the male ‘packet’
bogey - a malevolent spirit; hardened nasal mucus
dogie - US slang for an orphaned calf, sometimes extended to young or herded cattle in general
fogey - a person, usually older, who is conservative with old-fashioned beliefs or interests
hoagie - Long and large American filled bread roll, also called sub, hero, bomber, poor boy, grinder, torpedo and rocket. Originally it was hoggie, since only piggy people could eat these outsize sandwiches (slang words for sandwich in the UK include sanger, piece, butty and sarnie).
stogie - a thin, long and cheap American cigar, either originally made in the Pennsylvania town of Conestoga or named after the 'Conestoga Wagons' driven by cigar-makers
vogie - this old Scots word can mean either merry or rainy

 
Hello and welcome to Vitamin Q, a cyberchest of treasure, trinkets and trash...

This is probably now the biggest trivia site on the web (erm, if you ignore quiz sites and those which reproduce 'strange but true' books)! Just to remind you: this sort-of-a-blog belongs to Roddy Lumsden, a puzzle writer and poet from Scotland now living in Bristol in England. I post trivia lists, curiosities and fragments which please me as a connoisseur of the sequential and the inconsequential.

These tend to reflect my interests which include pop, nature, words, Scotland, TV, food, folklore and literature. I post a few items most weeks, so do bookmark and return. If you forget to do this, and want to get back here, just type Vitamin Q or vitaminq into Google - you'll find me. The book version of Vitamin Q will be published by Chambers Harrap in Autumn 2004. Remember, there's a huge archive to the left too.

 
IT'S BEHIND YOU

38 words for that part of us which sits:

1 botty
2 peach
3 ass
4 queener
5 fundament
6 rump
7 beam-end
8 moon
9 hootchie
10 booty
11 behind
12 arse
13 bahookie
14 keister
15 spankit
16 buns
17 thang
18 butt
19 broadside
20 bum
21 prat
22 tail
23 tush
24 fanny
25 patootie
26 seat
27 fud
28 heinie
29 moon
30 dowp
31 bubble
32 can
33 BTM
34 duff
35 derriere
36 rear
37 backside
38 posterior

Source: various

 
INDIAN LINGO

The 18 official languages of India

1 Assamese
2 Bengali
3 Gujarati
4 Hindi
5 Kannada
6 Kashmiri
7 Konkani
8 Malayalam
9 Manipuri
10 Marathi
11 Nepali
12 Oriya
13 Punjabi
14 Sanskrit
15 Sindhi
16 Tamil
17 Telugu
18 Urdu

Over 200 languages and dialects have been recorded in India. Of these eighteen, many of which have broad similarities, most are regional. Sanskrit is an ancient language no longer spoken, while Urdu is confined mainly to Muslim speakers and Sindhi to those from an ethnic group originating in Pakistan. English does not have full official status, but is widely spoken.

 
THE -GGY FILES Part 1

Many interesting slang words end in -ggy (or -ggie). More to follow:

baggy - of clothes, loose-fitting, giving its name to a style of fashion and indie / dance music prevalent around 1990 and revolving around Manchester bands such as The Stone Roses and Happy Mondays
baggie - a small bag (in North East Scotland the suffix -ie is added to lots of nouns in speech. Also common in parts of Canada. ‘Eh?’ is also used at the end of sentences in both areas, probably not by chance).
claggy - sticky, dirty, troublesome
craggy - of an elderly male face, lived-in, wrinkled but distinguished
daggy - Australian slang for nerdy; a dag is a piece of clotted, filthy wool around a sheep’s tail
draggy - of a woman’s clothes, making her look a bit like a drag queen (drag formerly meaning a gathering of homosexuals)
faggy - descriptive of the smell of cigarettes (‘There was a faggy stink in the house after the party’)
haggy - of a woman, having the tendency to prefer the company of gay men
jaggy - short-tempered, irritable
naggy - tending to find fault with or constantly bother another
raggy - tattered, untidy, especially of hair
saggy - descriptive of a woman’s breasts which have failed to defy gravity over time
eggy - of a smell, sulphurous or egglike
leggy - having long legs, especially in the tabloid cliché ‘leggy lovely’
seggy - of boots, to be soled with segs, metal tacks which prevent wear
smeggy - generally horrid or disgusting; from the Greek for soap, via a medical term (smegma) for a secretion under the foreskin
biggy - anything special or noteworthy of its type; a major event
ciggy - common British slang for a cigarette
figgy - curious or, simply, containing figs (as in ‘we all love figgy pudding’)
giggy - attending lots of popular music concerts, as in ‘I’m not as giggy as I used to be’
jiggy - US slang for well-dressed, good-looking, sexually attractive
liggy - prone to being a ‘ligger’ ie freeloading or trying to get in free or uninvited to events or parties
piggy - greedy; having slightly porcine facial features
wiggy - crazed, especially due to LSD

 
BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Just another recommendation for Forgotten English by Jeffrey Kacirk - if you wish to know the meanings of arcane words like mumpsimus, isabelline* and groaning-cheese, or that ‘Shakespeare’s’ famous line ‘all that glisters is not gold’ is actually a dirty joke about enemas, read this. If you like this site, you’ll love this book.

*The rather beautiful word isabelline, meaning 'a grayish-yellow or parchment colour' appears to derive from a rather less salubrious source. Apparently, in the sixteenth century, it was common for men to grow beards and swear not to shave them until something had been achieved (eg a war won or a leader restored). Archduchess Isabella of Austria wanted to show support for her father Philip II who was laying siege to the city of Ostend. Not being able to grow a beard, she swore not to change her undergarments until the city was taken. However, this took over three years leading to her grey-yellow underwear and the word's probable origin.

 
BODY IN TROUBLE

Some phrases for bodily flaws:

cock eyes / knock knees / cauliflower ear / pigeon chest / widow’s peak / flat feet / inverted nipples / hammer toes / thunder thighs / bingo wings / snub nose / redeye / beer belly / stubby fingers / barrel chest / bow legs / glass chin / banana breasts / turkey neck / withered arm / hare lip / monobrow / club foot / love handles / crow's feet

 
BEAST BEHAVIOUR

Some former folk beliefs about animals:

1 It was once believed that snake bites and insect stings could be treated by climbing onto a donkey’s back the wrong way round. Dead donkeys were leaped over for luck: they were considered extremely rare since the common belief was that a donkey at death’s door would sneak off and conceal itself.

2 People used to believe that the opossum had the following most unusual method of reproduction: the male would copulate with the female’s snout, then blow in her mouth and nose, thus sending the sperm down into her pouch.

3 A billy goat used to be kept with horses since the company, and especially the smell, was thought to keep horses calm and disease free (whereby comes the phrase ‘get your goat’ since stealing a racehorse’s companion was said to put it off its race).

4 Bats’ hearts and badgers’ teeth were both considered lucky charms by gamblers.

5 The ancient Egyptians revered cats so much that they shaved their eyebrows off when a pet died, hoping this would help speed the puss to the feline afterlife.

7 Inhaling cows’ breath was commonly thought to be good for us; it was claimed that dairy farmers never suffered from lung diseases.

8 Whereas nowadays a banknote stuffed into the waistband of hot-pants will cause certain women to gyrate and undress, in the 14th century, the preferred method was to write your name on parchment in owl’s blood and mole’s sperm and shove it under a woman’s door. This would soon entrance her into dancing naked.

9 A medieval substitute for an alarm clock was to eat hare’s brain stewed in wine. This was thought to prevent you from sleeping in the next day. Others were convinced that eating hare would make you melancholic.

10 The origin of the phrase ‘hair of the dog that bit you’ is quite literal: people felt that a dog bite would heal more quickly if dressed with some fur from the offending cur.

11 People used to test their luck by throwing a pig’s nose over their house with their backs to the door. Failure to clear the roof was a bad omen. Meanwhile, a wild pig’s tusks were said to light up and glow demonically red during a hunt.

12 It used to be thought that eating weasel meat would be an antidote to snake poison. However, consuming venison could cause such poisoning, since it was believed that snakes were a major part of a deer’s diet.

13 Even still today in some places, fried fieldmouse is thought to be a fast and effective cure for whooping cough. Various illnesses were ‘cured’ by tying sheep’s lungs or spleens to the feet.

14 Bears were formerly thought to mate just once each seven years but make so much noise doing so that farm animals would miscarry in fear.

Source: various

 
DEATH DISCO

20 curiously titled death metal and grindcore songs:

Thorns of Crimson Death (by Dissection)
Hammer Smashed Face (by Cannibal Corpse)
Slowly We Rot (by Obituary)
Lustmord and Wargasm (The Lick of Carnivorous Winds) (by Cradle of Filth)
Purulent Bowel Erosion (by Fleshcrawl)
Ants (Nemesis Ride) (by Cancer)
Swarming Vulgar Mass of Infected Virulency (by Carcass)
Dawn of Perishness (by Therion)
A Succubus in Rapture (by Dimmu Borgir)
Impulsive Necroplasma (by Edge of Sanity)
Remnants of Withered Decay (by Malevolent Creation)
Future Breed Machine (by Meshuggah)
Liege of Inveracity (by Suffocation)
Of Blindness and Subsequent Seers (by Emperor)
Black Stone Wielder (by Candlemass)
Voice of a Tortured Skull (by Mayhem)
Disconnected Magnetic Corridors (by Hipocrisy)
Rivalry of Phantoms (by Borknagar)
Transmigration Macabre (by Arch Enemy)
Goliaths Disarm Their Davids (by In Flames)

Source: various

 
WARREN QUARANTINE

13 diseases of rabbits:

1 Anorexia
2 Cheyletiella
3 Corneal Ulceration
4 Dewlap
5 Endometrial venous aneuryism
6 Floppy rabbit syndrome
7 Myxomatosis
8 Quadriplegia
9 Retrobulbar abscess
10 Snuffles
11 Sticky bottom syndrome
12 Sludgy Bladder
13 Zoonoses

Source: Thanks to Rebecca Sabin for this list.