BYGONES

Things you don’t often see any more:

1 horse troughs
2 brushed nylon sheets
3 bellows
4 cakestands
5 football pools coupons
6 milk floats
7 inkwells
8 nightcaps
9 three-wheeled cars
10 Black Maria policevans
11 savings stamps
12 mangles and wringers
13 pocket watches
14 milk bottles
15 jew’s harps
16 carbolic soap
17 tank tops
18 flat irons
19 powdered orange juice
20 hairnets
21 starting handles
22 combination underwear
23 solid toothpaste
24 snake belts
25 pawn shops
26 half-time scoreboards
27 leather school satchels
28 basques
29 scrubbing boards
30 car running boards
31 shorthand
32 shaving strops
33 school belts for punishment
34 cassette personal stereos
35 twin tub washers
36 lace-up footballs
37 radio shops
38 toasting forks
39 shuffleboard
40 tea cosies and egg cosies

I’d like VitQ readers to send more ideas for this list. Please, no brand names, short-lived fads (eg hula hoop) or people (eg milkmaids).

Apologies again to regular readers for the infrequency of new posts. This is due to requiring lots of new material for the forthcoming book version and also since I am off to the US on a reading tour next weekend and will be moving house on my return. Normal trivial service should resume in a few weeks and I’ll try to post new lists when I can. Do browse the huge archive if you’re new to all this. Roddy

 
LOAD OF CRAP

20 meanings of the word crap from old Scots:

1 a fir-cone
2 the throat
3 the luck-giving first water drawn from a well on New Year’s Day
4 to pick flowers
5 the horizon
6 to crop
7 the top leaves of a plant
8 thick part of whey
9 the stomach
10 a harvest of produce
11 part of a plough
12 the topmost part of something
13 a short haircut
14 an amount of grain being dried
15 the place where wall and ceiling meet
16 crept
17 a bird’s crop
18 to moan or ask awkward questions
19 to stuff
20 a wild mustard seed-pod

 
ECLECTIC PLECTRUM

The tracks for a perfect male singer-songwriter CD:

1 Bob Dylan - Dirge (so hard to pick a Dylan but, of my favourites, this is the most singer-songwritery; a dark start to a dark selection)
2 Jon Brion - Hook Line and Sinker (achingly fine recent song from the musician better known as a producer and power-pop maven)
3 Cat Stevens - The First Cut is the Deepest (much-covered, but never bettered; an exemplary piece of pop music)
4 Van Morrison - Sweet Thing (some prefer the wilder moments of Astral Weeks, but I’ve always admired Van pop skills and his way with the love song)
5 Nick Drake - Joey (from forgotten cult folk singer to tired music hack’s yardstick, Nick’s posthumous years have been trying; why he never released this early song - perhaps his best - we’ll never know)
6 Cathal Coughlan - Dark Parlour (fine and moody moment from the multi-talented Irish songwriter)
7 Thomas Dolby - Airwaves (one of the finest songs ever written about New York)
8 James Taylor - Sweet Baby James (upbeat piece of Americana from the star known for too few of his many good numbers)
9 Kevin Tihista - Sucker (a great simple but catchy song, Elliott Smith-like, but with a lighter touch)
10 Leonard Cohen - Stories of the Street (his finest moment happened early on; one of the few songs where the lyrics stand up as good poetry)
11 Joe Jackson - It’s Different For Girls (this may have the most faultless first 30 seconds around)
12 Elliott Smith - Waltz # 2 (XO) (poor Elliott; this song obsessed me for a while - it eats your brain; it still gets me every time, from those first 1-2-3 drumbeats on)
13 John Cale - Ship of Fools (it has one of the loveliest refrains in rock music)
14 Alex Chilton - The EMI Song (a beautiful track from the turbulent solo years of the former Big Star star)
15 Ron Sexsmith - In a Flash (a highlight from the consistent Canadian troubador)
16 Gordon Grahame - Campfire Song (a favourite number by former Lost Soul Band leader and the UK music business’s most overlooked talent)
17 Jackie Leven - Wrapped Up in Blue (sad, but spot-on closer from one of the under-rated Scots soul / folk singer’s recent LPs)
18 Steve Harley - Nothing is Sacred (moody strumalong number with drug-addled lyrics about a dark night of the soul in mid-Europe)
19 Elvis Costello - Alison (one of the century’s best ballads)
20 Martin Stephenson - Rain (atmospheric piece of Cohenesque from the mid 80s by the warm-hearted Northern English songwriter)
21 Bob Mould - Sinners and Their Repentances (moving and mournful last track from his solo masterpiece Workbook)