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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Friday, April 02, 2004

I'm on a reading tour / trip in Fargo / Moorhead, North Dakota, a fine little twin city. Here is some Fargo trivia:

10 incredible items on sale in 'Bargains' - the 'Greatest Store on Earth':

1 Cousin Willie's Microwave Popcorn
2 Carol-oky! Christmas karaoke cassettes
3 A photo-novel of the movie 'Hair'
4 Heinz Zoodles
5 Is He Cheating? Recognise the signs and discover the TRUTH (book)
6 Undertaker wrestling mask
7 Barbie 'Bake With Me' Oven
8 6ft inflatable Godzilla
9 Karate Kid part III Puzzles and Mazes Book
10 Jelly Wreath's (sic - red and green wreath-shaped ring candies)

Some food we've seen or tried here in Fargo:

1 cowtail candy (sweet swishers)
2 broasted chicken (not broiled or roasted but both!)
3 three-meat skillet (belly-bulging brekkie)
4 snickerdoodle (sugar-rush inducing giant caramel cookie)
5 walleye (fried finny food)
6 brownie earthquake (dessert wow)
7 bear bites (steak chunks wrapped in bacon)
8 knophla soup (liquid noodleosity)
9 bison burger (the local moos)
10 grinder (a little Mexican something)

10 local characters:

1 Modern Man (reclusive local artist)
2 The Count (cancer doctor and paterfamilias)
3 Raul 'Gomo' Gomez (non-sleepy Mexican charmer, possibly self-cloned)
4 Scooter Jonssen ('what's your real name Scooter?' 'Scooter')
5 Johnny Miles ('King of the Rash Joke')
6 The Stork (tall truck driver who doubles as a walking telephone book)
7 Merril Piepkorn (endlessly breezy local radio DJ specialising in mild insults)
8 Johnny Mumbles (photographer and artist who lights prayer candles before having his beer)
9 Duct Tape Dave (local would-be serial killer)
10 Doctor Funzoid (scizophrenic Fargo worthy, aka Well What?, aka Jeff)

10 things we been saying:

1 Get her done!
2 a backalley brawler, a street corner smoker, a twice a day coker (etc)
3 Throw the D
4 Good times!
5 gaining my manly confidence
6 Let's add on!
7 Did you just go to the hairdresser and say please #$%^ it up?
8 He was real troublesome...
9 Oh for cute!
10 We got her done!

Disney answers (see August 20th '04):

1 The Sword in the Store (… Stone)
2 Winnie the Poor (... Pooh)
3 Milan (Mulan)
4 Tartan (Tarzan)
5 Gumbo (Dumbo)
6 Lilo and Switch (… Stitch)
7 The Great Morse Detective (… Mouse …)
8 Beauty and the Boast (… Beast)
9 Brother Beer (… Bear)
10 Lady and the Cramp (… Tramp)
11 Slice in Wonderland (Alice …)
12 Rubin Hood (Robin …)
13 The Jungle Cook (… Book)

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