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Vitamin Q: the book!

~ Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Water related injuries, ailments and predicaments:

Bath and Shower

1 toe stuck in bath-tap
2 near heart failure from stepping on loose bathmat
3 excessive wrinkling
4 bloodshot eye shampoo horror
5 slippery skin caused by overdose of bubble bath
6 brain fried by mixer tap madness
7 chill caught from falling asleep in tepid bathwater
8 late for meeting due to hotel power shower pleasure
9 soap accidentally jammed in bodily orifice (yeah, sure)
10 toe stubbage caused by misjudging bath height
11 slipping on soap
12 temporary tattoo due to sitting on plug chain
13 in big trouble for putting wrong smelly stuff in (maybe just me)
14 forgetting not all body parts as heat resistant as foot used to test water
15 scalded in shower when some idiot in kitchen runs cold tap

Swimming Pool

1 vinegar sinuses due to water up nose
2 mortal embarrassment caused by costume loss after fancy dive
3 dive-bomber’s arse rash
4 lung-ache due to water swallowing
5 groin strain due to involuntary demonstration of the splits in wet changing room
6 infection from water in ears
7 finding someone’s old lint or plaster stuck to your leg
8 weals caused by wet costume flicking contest
9 head bump hitting pool-end while doing back stroke
10 fractured skull from diving into shallow end
11 veruccas
12 stinging stomach due to belly flop dive
13 dyed blonde hair turns green due to chlorine


1 jellyfish stinging
2 nausea from bellyful of diluted sewage
3 nappy rash due to not changing out of wet costume
4 bouffant splashed by tinky kids
5 getting caught in oil slick
6 sex in the shallows hydraulics thing (will spare details)
7 falling asleep on lilo and waking near Tahiti
8 standing on stonefish or razor shell
9 narrowly jumped by water-skier
10 Loose Waterwing Syndrome (under medical debate)
11 head stoved in on concealed rock
12 becoming shark lunch
13 life curiously underwhelming when it flashes past you, going down for the third time

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