SORTING IT OUT Part One

VitQ's attempt to trace the breeds of cartoon and puppet creatures:

1 Gonzo - Along life's narrow paths, I've met people who don't think Gonzo's a bird, but they were on Jose Cuervo, or most wanted lists. True though, he does have mighty thick legs for an avian, and in one Muppet Show, he is turned down as a bird. Yet.. blue-grape coloured feathers, a hooked beak. I'm thinking S America, the Amazon, aren't you? Seed feeder, maybe more likely a large flower-feeder. Then again, the monkey does lurk at the back of the mind. Having a giant chicken for a pet suggests bird-empathy, or is it a primate's proto-livestock tendency? Deep trawling on the net finds suggestions that Gonzo may have originated in India, so perhaps a cinereous vulture, but no, not fierce enough. VitQ Verdict: Best I can offer is an Indian owlet whose Mum has been canoodling with a proboscis monkey.

2 Daffy Duck - he might be a scoter, but beak too bright and one-coloured and not bumpy enough. Not tufted enough to be a tufted duck, though decent colour match; too plain to be an elegant surf duck. Not quite right to be a Black East Indian duck (how would he reach Hollywood from there?). Despite the name soundign right, nothing like an American black duck. VitQ Verdict: Most likely Daffy is a common scoter who has had orange juice for breakfast and still has it all over his beak.

3 The Pink Panther - a panther you might imagine, yet there is no roseate variety. However, there are many strange breeds of wild and domestic cats. Recently turned 40, so unlikely to be a domestic moggy. Very wide mouth also and too slender to have been fed on Whiskas and sneaky snigs of ham. Yellow / gold eyes may be a clue. Head too big to be a cheetah or caracal. Too klutzy to be a tiger or lion. First spotted in America. VitQ Verdict: the PP is no panther, but a chichi cougar whose pinkness and fad-diet scrawn can be put down to showbiz.