Vitamin Q is a blog run by poet and puzzle writer Roddy Lumsden who is based in London, UK. It is a place for trivia, lists and curiosities. Most weeks, there are a few new items to ponder, so check regularly. There is a huge archive of past material to the left. The book version of this site (with lots of brand new lists) is published by Chambers Harrap in mid-October.

 
MIND THAT CHILD!

Tunes regularly played on the chimes of ice cream vans:

O Sole Mio
Greensleeves
Lara’s Theme (Somewhere My Love)
The Happy Wanderer
Oranges and Lemons
William Tell Overture
Boys and Girls Come Out to Play
The Blue Danube
The Teddy Bears' Picnic
Que Sera Sera
London Bridge is Falling Down
Somewhere Over the Rainbow (speeded up)
Popeye the Sailor Man
Pop Goes the Weasel

 
MIDNIGHT DISCO AND HER COUSINS

Some unusual fungi names from the British Isles:

Golden Navel / Fly Agaric / Mudwort Smut / Plums and Custard / Goatcheese Webcap / Mousepee Pinkgill / The Charcoal Burner / Pine Spike-cap / Dung Roundhead / Earthfan / Hoop-Petticoat Fungus / Earpick/ Glistening Inkcap / Earth-star / Shaggy Parasol / Snowy Disco / Candlesnuff Fungus / Giant Club / Beefsteak / Slippery Jack / Salmon Salad / Drab Tooth / Drumstick Truffleclub / Black Bulgar / Herald of the Winter / Fairy Ring Champignon / Black Helvella / Hedgehog / The Sickener / King Alfred’s Cakes / Blusher / Dog Stinkhorn / Horn of Plenty / Sulphur Tuft / Snakeskin Grisette / Weeping Widow / Bitter Boletus / Sweet Poisonpie / Nettle Rash / Velvet Shank / Bell-shaped Mottle-gill / Lilac Bonnet / Jelly Babies / Sandy Stiltball / Parrot Wax Cap / Jew’s Ear / Downy Boletus / Wood Woollyfoot / Woolly Milkcap / Splitpea Shanklet / Birch Besom / Twisted Deceiver / Soft Slipper Toadstool / Black Trumpet / Powdery Piggyback / Hairy Curtain Crust / Many-Zoned Polypore / Stinking Parachute / Beaked Eearthstar / Yellow Brain / Dyer’s Maze-gill / Brickcaps / Old Man of the Woods / Funeral Bell / Orange Peel / Panther Cap / The Humpback / Cauliflower / Scarlet Caterpillarclub / Brown Roll-rim / The Prince / Chicken of the Woods / Stump Puffball / Birdsnest / Tiger’s Eye / Razorstrop / Turkeytail / Booted Knight / Deadman’s Fingers / Penny Bun / Deer Shield / Dewdrop Dapperling / False Death Cap / Destroying Angel / Tar Spot / Dryad’s Saddle / The Miller / Dark Fanvault / Stag’s Horn / Liberty Cap / The Flirt

Source: various

 
NY LADIES

Ladyfest East is an annual women's arts and music festival held in New York City - one of several such events held worldwide. The next will be held next month, but here is an interesting list of the workshops held in 2002:

Get Crafty! ('bring your fine self, an old t-shirt, cool swatches of fabric or patches to share')
Women in Business
Trans Panel
Silkscreening
Action Speaks Louder Than Words (a talk on direct action)
DIY Gynecology
Kicking Street Harassment Where It Counts
Studio Recording & Mixing ('let me hear some kick and snare')
Queer Parenting
Fat Warrior Freaks Storm NYC ('we'll spend a few minutes on Fat 101, then move on to plotting the revolution')
Be Rad Make a Pad (make your own reusable menstrual pad)
Punk Rock Aerobics ('an alternative to current 'gym bunny' culture' 'hey ho! let's go!')
Figuring It Out As You Go Along: the Details of Zine Publishing
How To Make Noise ('pots, pans, buckets, spoons, anything at all')
Radical Cheerleaders
Songwriting
Skate Jam
Body Image & Art
Basketball ('the one who gets the sweatiest wins')
Art & Activism
Written Seduction: Your Fantasies in Print
Car Maintenance

Thanks to TW (whose programme is signed by Ari Up)

 
MAKING THE MOST

Some generalisms from the web:

Most men ogle women
Most men need to be taught how to choose suitable presents
Most men hate to shop
Most men fantasize about a loving, pleasant home
Most men are within a finger’s breadth of being mad
Most men suffer in silence when women ask them for their fries
Most men name their private parts
Most men get a kick out of watching fights
Most men stall, but want to wed
Most men are untouched by fashion
Most men are outrospective
Most men don’t sit around fantasizing about shoes all day
Most men are either boxers or briefs
Most men are toolbox men
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness
Most men prefer general anaesthesia
Most men around the world are probably dogs
Most men die inch by inch playing little games


Most women went barefooted even after men started wearing sandals
Most women rode in skirts
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown
Most women barely have time to grab their car keys in the morning
Most women can expect widowhood
Most women want plastic surgery
Most women find it easier to hit 7 and 9 woods consistently
Most women don’t consider gaming as a career
Most women live in large urban centres
Most women love a man that can dance
Most women are natural actresses
Most women who have had an orgasm will tell you that it’s quite nice
Most women outlive most men
Most women miss out
Most women are out to look good and, hey, so am I
Most women are not expecting to be seduced while they are out shopping
Most women are turned off completely by jewellery
Most women have a special right to be bitter

 
EXCUSES EXCUSES

Lady Diana Cooper (1892-1986) was a British actress and socialite and quite an eccentric character. One of her most noted idiosyncrasies was a tendency to try and get round traffic wardens by posting queer excuse messages when she parked illegally - some of these were:

Dear Warden - taken sad child to cinemar - please forgive.

Dear Warden - horribly old (80) and frightfully lame. Beware of the DOG.

Disabled as you see - lunching on guard - Diana Cooper, Sir Martin Charteris’s AUNT!

Dearest Warden - Front tooth broken off: look like an 81 year old pirate, so at dentist 19a. Very old, very lame. No metres (sic). Have mercy!

Source: via The Cassell Dictionary of Anecdotes (ed N Rees)

 
STHINGS

Ten TWAKs (Things We All Know) about hit songs for The Police:

1 Roxanne - is about a man trying to persuade a prostitute to give up the game, leading to it being blacklisted on many radio stations.

2 Can’t Stand Losing You - also blacklisted in the UK for being about suicide; not helped by the cover which featured a man in a noose standing on an ice block which is melting in front of an electric fire. Tasteless? But around the same time, Toyah released a single with a photo of a stuffed baby (a Mafia job) on the cover.

3 Every Breath You Take - not a song about a lover’s devotion, more about a stalker’s knife-sharpening angst.

4 Message in a Bottle - if you are feeling childish and smutty, you can sing along but change the chorus to ‘massage in a brothel‘.

5 Invisible Sun - is about the unrest in Northern Ireland.

6 Don’t Stand So Close To Me - contains what is often claimed to be the worst rhyme in rock: ‘he starts to shake and cough / just like the old man in that book by Nabokov’; don’t think it’s that bad personally.

7 So Lonely - Many UK radio listeners were (supposedly) baffled as to why a bunch of peroxided new-wavers were singing a song about TV presenter Sue Lawley.

8 The Bed’s Too Big Without You - this single was controversially only available in an expensive six pack of singles - most fans already had the others.

9 De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da - probably the only transatlantic Top 10 hit to contain the word ‘rapes’ in the lyrics.

10 Synchronicity 2 - and this is certainly the only hit song about a Jungian philosophy to mention Rice Krispies, belches, cheap tarts, Scotland, a crotch, picket lines and lemmings.

One more piece of Police trivia - did you know that Sting is the only member of the mass of pop stars who sang on Band Aid's 'Do They Know It's Christmas' who is name-checked in the song's lyrics?

 
TILL YOU'RE HORSE

Words which can come before ‘horse’:

bay / stalking / blood / pole / towel / riding / malt / dandy / shaft / hungry / race / dark / vaulting / stud / trace / sea / night / rocking / coach / water / pair / willing / wheel / dead / sumpter / work / saddle / salt / liberty / grey / clothes / thoroughbred / wild / cart / wooden / thill / quarter / miniature / draught / cock / one / hobby / take / mill / wood / river / fore / shire / walking / stock / gift / white / pack / stage / cavalry / saw / fill / plough / rear / dray / post / troop / war / stone / light / bat / paint / charley / high / iron

…and after:

boat / way / pistol / tamer / collar / boy / riding / hockey / litter / milliner / bread / nail / guards / knacker / back / sovereign / hoe / head / laugh / flesh / mushroom / artillery / race / kiss / power / latitudes / fly / sickness / doctor / sense / mackerel / apples / chestnut / shit / whispering / lover / cloth / bot / trade / mint / foot / mussel / rake / courser / faced / hide / car / cock / radish / man / pucky / pox / leech / meat / marine / whip / thief / feed / mill / hair / breaker / feathers / play / shed / wrangler / bite / chips / opera / pond / drench / woman / block / tail / godmother / fair / brass / trainer / bean / around / soldier / dealer / shoe

Source: various

 
IN THE THROWS

Things you can ‘throw’, idiomatically or metaphorically:

1 a curveball
2 (up) the sponge
3 a shape
4 a party
5 a tantrum
6 the race
7 a glance
8 a pot
9 a sale
10 (up) food
11 a U-turn
12 a boomerang
13 a wobbly
14 accusations
15 a sickie
16 (in) the towel
17 a jab
18 a bottle
19 (down) the gauntlet
20 caution
21 a six
22 a kink
23 a meal (together)
24 a net
25 a dirty look
26 a switch
27 shadows
28 a fit
29 (out) the baby
30 the book (at)
31 the dog a bone

 
COMMON PEOPLE

Some strap-lines from pulp and sleaze novels of yesteryear:

Angels in the Gutter - They roamed in gangs, these lost girls, women at fifteen - too old at twenty
Bayou Babe - She was a teaser to end all teasers - but she didn't stop at teasing!
Beatnik Wanton - She lusted in sin orgies and reefer brawls!
Born for Sin - Her life was a hopeless slide into a nightmare of lust!
Farm Girl - She lived like a wicked, little animal
Flowers and Flesh - When hippies hold a sin-in, it's all -
Harlem Model - She was tall, tan, torrid and too hot to handle
Hill Billy in High Heels - She was sixteen... and true to the code of the hills.. ripe for love!
Hot Dam - The woods had gone wild with murderers, salacious Scots, and kidnapers in kilts
The Lewd Angel - She was soft and pink, and very eager - like a present wrapped in ribbon and waiting to be opened
The Lust Pigs - Every alley was a passion hangout for -
Motel Girl - Any man could have her, but she chose a lesbian paradise
Naked on Roller Skates - An unscrupulous rake - an all-wise young lady - an unexpected love affair
Nude on Thin Ice - A red-hot hellcat in the frozen night - and murder on the prowl!
Reform School Girl - A shameful path led her there - scarlet secrets kept her there
Swamp Hoyden - They spoke of her in whispers!
The Tainted One - Men wanted her - but she wanted women!
Tainted Passions - Her kisses set them at each other's throats
Television Tramp - She traded honor for success
Warped Women - Helpless wretches - stripped by strange emotions of all restraint and decency - would they ever again know real love?
Without Consent - He found her young - wild - ravishing - a creature meant for love - but marked taboo
Young and Innocent - They were twilight lovers in the world between the sexes

Source: here, which also has cover art from old sci-fi, film noir, drug culture novels etc

 
FROM THE SMELLY SHELF

A dozen books which thankfully do not come in Scratch and Sniff editions:

1 The Humanure Handbook: A Guide to Composting Human Manure (Joseph Jenkins)
2 Starting With Ducks (Katie Thear)
3 Maggots, Murder, and Men: Memories and Reflections of a Forensic Entomologist (Z Erzinclioglu)
4 The Great Stink of London: Sir Joseph Bazalgette and the Cleansing of the Victorian Metropolis (Stephen Halliday)
5 Secretary of State's Guidance (196) Production of Natural Sausage Casings, Tripe, Chitterlings and Other Boiled Green Offal Products: Process Guidance Notes
6 The New Cabbage Soup Diet (M Danbrot)
7 Human Body Odor: Etiology, Treatment and Related Factors (M Inaba)
8 Great Goalies of Pro Hockey (Frank Orr)
9 Pressure Sores: Prevention and Treatment (Keith A Walker)
10 Skunks Do More Than Stink! (D M Souza)
11 Why Do I Vomit?: And Other Questions about Digestion (Angela Royston)
12 Up Shit Creek: A Collection of Horrifyingly True Toilet Misadventures (Joe Lindsay)

 
HIT SINGLES

Some pop and rock singers generally known by a single name:

Aaliyah / Adeva / Ambelique / Anastacia / Babyface / Basia / Beck / Beyoncé / Billie / Björk / Brandy / Capleton / Carmel / Charlene / Cher / Coolio / Des'ree / Dido / Dion / Donovan / Eminem / Enya / Estelle / Fabian / Ferron / Gabrielle / Green / Heinz / Jamelia / Jewel / JoJo / Keith / Kelis / Lemar / Limahl / Lobo / Lolly / Louise / Luciano / Lulu / Madonna / Marilyn / Martika / Melanie / Mensi / Monica / Morrissey / Mushroom / Nelly / Odetta / Omar / Phranc / Pink / Prince / Rozalla / Sabrina / Sade / Seal / Shanice / Shystie / Sinitta / Sizzla / Sonia / Sting / Suggs / Syreeta / Taffy / Taz / Tiffany / Tracie / Twinkle / Usher / Whigfield / Yazz / Yellowman / Zoe

 
FRESH IN TODAY

A list of Parts of Living Creatures and Excrements suggested to be kept in apothecaries' shops circa 1640.

The fat, grease, or suet, of a Duck, Goose, Eel, Boar, Herron, Thymallows (if you know where to get it), Dog, Capon, Beaver, wild Cat, Stork, Coney, Horse, Hedge-hog, Hen, Man, Lion, Hare, Pike, or Jack (if they have any fat, I am persuaded 'tis worth twelve-pence a grain) Wolf, Mouse of the mountains, (if you can catch them) Pardal, Hog, Serpent, Badger, Grey or brock Fox, Vulture (if you can catch them) Album Graecum, Anglice, Dog's dung, the hucklebone of a Hare and a Hog, East and West Bezoar, Butter not salted and salted, stone taken out of a man's bladder, Vipers flesh, fresh Cheese, Castorium, white, yellow, and Virgin's Wax, the brain of Hares and Sparrows, Crabs' Claws, the Rennet of a Lamb, a Kid, a Hare, a Calf, and a Horse, the heart of a Bullock, a Stag, Hog, and a Wether, the horn of an Elk, a Hart, a Rhinoceros, an Unicorn, the skull of a man killed by a violent death, a Cockscomb, the tooth of a Boar, an Elephant, and a Sea-horse, Ivory, or Elephant's Tooth, the skin a Snake hath cast off, the gall of a Hawk, Bullock, a she Goat, a Hare, a Kite, a Hog, a Bull, a Bear, the cases of Silk-worms, the liver of a Wolf, and Otter, a Goat, Isinglass, the guts of a Wolf and a Fox, the milk of a she Ass, a she Goat, a woman, an Ewe, a Heifer, East and West Bezoar, the stone in the head of a Crab, and a Perch, if there be any stone in an Ox Gall, stone in the bladder of a Man, the jaw of a Pike or Jack, Pearls, the marrow of the leg of a Sheep, Ox, Goat, Stag, Calf, common and virgin Honey, Musk, Mummy, a Swallow's nest, Crabs eyes, the Omentum or call of a Lamb, Ram, Wether, Calf, the whites, yolks, and shells of Hen's Eggs, Emmet's Eggs, bone of a Stag's heart, an Ox leg, Ossepiae, the inner skin of a Hen's gizzard, the wool of Hares, the feathers of Partridges, that which Bees make at the entrance of the hive, the pizzle of a Stag, of a Bull, Fox Lungs, fasting spittle, the blood of a Pigeon, of a Cat, of a he Goat, of a Hare, of a Partridge, of a Sow, of a Bull, of a Badger, of a Snail, Silk, Whey, the Spermaceti, a Bullock's spleen, the skin a snake hath cast off, the excrements of a Goose, of a Dog, of a Goat, of Pigeons, of a stone Horse, of a Hen, of Swallows, of a Hog, of a Heifer, the ancle of a Hare, of a Sow, Cobwebs, Water thells, as Blatta Bazantia, Buccinae, Crabs, Cockles, Dentalis, Entalis, Mother of Pearl, Mytuli Purpurae, Os sepiae, Unbilious Marinus, the testicles of a Horse, Cock, the hoof of an Elk, of an Ass, a Bullock, of a Horse, of a Lyon, the urine of a Bear, of a she Goat.

Source: Culpeper

Some notes and queries:

thymallows - the grayling
pardal - probably leopard, but also a name for the sparrow
album graecum - dog dirt which has turned white due to exposure to air, used for throat complaints
anglice - meaning 'known in English as'
castorium - an oily substance secreted by beavers
bezoar - stone substance found in the stomachs of several large mammals
mummy - an ointment made from bitumen
emmet - ant
pizzle - penis
thells - presumably 'shells'

 
PROPER AND NICE

Some 'Hints for Home Comfort' from a Victorian book:

- Eat slowly and you will not overeat.

- A short needle makes the most expedition in plain sewing.

- Dirty windows speak to the passerby of the negligence of the inmates.

- Between husband and wife little attentions beget much love.

- There is much more injury done by admitting visitors to invalids than is generally supposed.

- Matches, out of reach of children, should be kept in every room. They are cheap enough.

- When chamber towels get thin in the middle, cut them in two, sew the selvages together, and hem the sides.

- When you are particular in wishing to have precisely what you want from a butcher's, go and purchase it yourself.

- Feather beds should be opened every third year, the ticking well dusted, soaped, and waxed, the feathers dressed and returned.

- Be at much pains to keep your children's feet dry and warm. Don't bury their bodies in heavy flannels and wools and leave their knees and legs naked.

- Apples and pears, cut into quarters and stripped of the rind, baked with a little water and sugar, and eaten with boiled rice, are capital food for children.

- Persons very commonly complain of indigestion: how can it be wondered at, when they seem, by their habit of swallowing their food wholesale, to forget what purpose they are provided with teeth?

- No article in dress tarnishes so readily as black crape trimmings, and few things injure it more than damp; therefore, to preserve its beauty on bonnets, a lady in nice mourning should in her evening walks, at all seasons of the year, take as her companion an old parasol to shade her crape.

Source: Enquire Within Upon Everything

 
SING UP

The unusual titles of 10 national anthems:

Just One Night (Burkina Faso)
The Song of Rallying (Cameroon)
Where is My Home? (Czech Republic)
There is a Lovely Land (Denmark)
Let's Walk Down the Path of Our Great Happiness (Equitorial Guinea)
Your Flag is a Heavenly Light (Honduras)
Awaken, Romanian (Romania)
Pluck Your Koras, Hit Your Balafons (Senegal)
Ukraine Has Not Died Yet (Ukraine)
We We We (Vanuatu)

Source: various

 
MILES OF AISLES

A few famous people born on smaller islands:

Errol Flynn was born on the island of Tasmania in 1909.
The Bee Gees were born on the Isle of Man in 1947 and 1949.
Vijay Singh was born on the island of Fiji in 1963.
Marco Polo was born on the island of Korcula in 1254.
Sappho was born on the island of Lesbos c615BC.
Freddie Mercury was born on the island of Zanzibar in 1946.
Sorley McLean was born on the island of Raasay in 1911.
Lillie Langtry was born on the island of Jersey in 1853.
Chow Yun Fat was born on the island of Lamma in 1955.
Napoleon Bonaparte was born on the island of Corsica in 1769.
El Greco was born on the island of Crete in 1541.
Anthony Minghella was born on the Isle of Wight in 1954.
Pythagoras was born on the island of Samos c580BC.
Joan Armatrading was born on the island of St Kitts in 1950.
VS Naipaul was born on the island of Trinidad in 1932.
Jose Feliciano was born on the island of Puerto Rica in 1945.

 
MIND YOUR MANNERS

Some selections from "Speak right for a callcentre job!" by Arjun Raina, published by Penguin India.

1) DON'T SAY: Fifty thousand bucks.
WHY NOT? No cheap Americanisms

2) DON'T SAY: Senior Manager - that sounds cool.
WHY NOT? Too casual.

3) DON'T SAY: Lucky guy, getting a raise. Wish I got one too.
WHY NOT? Too informal and chatty.

4) DON'T SAY: It's a technical requirement, ma'am.
WHY NOT? Offensive and officious.

5) DON'T SAY: Why do you hate technology? It's there to help you.
WHY NOT? Don't lecture.

6) DON'T SAY: Not to worry, ma'am. Once you send it to us in writing, you will surely get it.
WHY NOT? Too appeasing and not true.

7) DON'T SAY: For sure, ma'am, I will take only three minutes flat.
WHY NOT? And then if it takes longer? Too sure, too smart.

8) DON'T SAY: We won't get our information wrong, rest assured, Sir.
WHY NOT? Too sure.

9) DON'T SAY: No, I am not a machine. I am human.
WHY NOT? Truthful but too aggressive.

10) DON'T SAY: Mind the way you speak to me.
WHY NOT? Too intimate.

11) DON'T SAY: Sir, my supervisor is not here. You can speak to me.
WHY NOT? He is speaking to you.

12) DON'T SAY: We are very sorry about this, Sir.
WHY NOT? Service is not servility.

Thanks to Fergus for spotting these.