A YEAR IN SONG

One of the very best years for music – interesting neo-folk, the ill-named but super 'indietronica', broody and enraptured singer-songwriters, glitchy dub-pop, US indie bands without sock-puppet singers, Canada, Canada and more Canada, the icecapades sampling of The Go! Team and the wonderful new nine-piece wonder Ella Guru from Liverpool. Here are my highlights, in sort of order (*means from one of my favourite albums of the year):

Joanna Newsom – Peach, Plum, Pear (*The Milk Eyed Mender)
Ella Guru – Blues Is the Root (*The First Album)
Wolf Parade – Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts
The Go! Team – Bottle Rocket (*Thunder Lightning Strike)
Johnny Boy – You Are the Generation Who Bought More Shoes...
The Killers – Mr Brightside (*Hot Fuss)
Rachel Goswell – Plucked (*Waves Are Universal)
Lucky Jim – Lesbia (*Our Troubles End Tonight)
The Arcade Fire – Une Année Sans Lumiere (*Funeral)
Khonnor – The Stoned Night
Marquis de Suave – Postcards (*LP still unreleased)
Laura Veirs – Riptide (*Carbon Glacier)
Iron & Wine – Each Coming Night (*The Creek Drank the Cradle)
A Girl Called Eddy – People Used To Dream About the Future (*self-titled)
Ed Harcourt – Born in the 70s
Anais Mitchell - I Wear Your Dress (*Hymns For the Exiled)
Junior Boys – Teach Me How To Fight
Rufus Wainwright – I Don't Know What It Is
Maritime – King of Doves
Múm – The Island of the Children's Children
The Blue Nile – Everybody Else
Thirteen Senses – Into the Fire
Stina Nordenstam – I'm Staring Out at the World
The Futureheads – Hounds of Love
Efterklang - Tortuous Tracks
Dogs Die in Hot Cars – Apples and Oranges
Lali Puna – Faking the Books

 

M&Ms

40 of the many famous people with double M initials:

1 Mel Martin (US saxophonist)
2 Mary McCarthy (US novelist)
3 Marshall Mathers (US rap star)
4 Marcel Marceau (French entertainer)
5 Marilyn Monroe (US actor)
6 Margaret Mitchell (US novelist)
7 Martine McCutcheon (UK actor)
8 Maria Muldaur (US singer)
9 Marino Marini (Italian artist)
10 Marianne Moore (US poet)
11 Michael Madsen (US actor)
12 Mick McManus (UK wrestler)
13 Maurice Maeterlinck (Belgian writer)
14 Mercedes McCambridge (US actor)
15 Mike McShane (Canadian actor / comic)
16 Melissa Manchester (US singer / actor)
17 Mary Martin (US actor / singer)
18 Magnus Magnusson (UK TV presenter)
19 Mike Myers (Canadian actor / director)
20 Manfred Mann (S African musician)
21 Matthew Modine (US actor)
22 Michael Mann (US film diirector)
23 Matt Monro (UK singer)
24 Michael Mates (UK politician)
25 Michael McKean (US actor / director)
26 Mary McCaslin (US folk singer)
27 Melinda Messenger (UK model / presenter)
28 Michael Moorer (US boxer)
29 Molly Malone (Irish fishmonger and prostitute)
30 Marcello Mastroianni (Italian actor)
31 Mark McCormack (US sports agent)
32 Michael Moore (US writer / director)
33 Mo Mowlam (UK politician)
34 Malcolm McDowell (UK actor)
35 Mickey Mantle (US baseball star)
36 Max Miller (UK comedian)
37 Michael McDonald (US singer)
38 Modest Mussorgski (Russian composer)
39 Marvin Miller (US economist)
40 Maria McKee (US singer)

 
WRAP IT UP

Ten gifts not worth wrapping due to their obvious shape:

1 snooker cue
2 ship's anchor
3 hula hoop
4 pickaxe
5 watermelon
6 hammerhead shark
7 spacehopper
8 horseshoe
9 Saturn
10 Egyptian mummy

 

LA-DI-DAH



Some songs recorded by The Andrews Sisters:



Joseph! Joseph!

Oh, Johnny! Oh, Johnny! Oh!

Oh! Ma Ma!

E Ma Ma

Ooooo-Oh Boom

Sha-Sha

Shoo Shoo Baby

Say Si Si

I See I See

Yipsee-I-O

Ciribiribin

Jing-A-Ling, Jing-A-Ling

Zing, Zing, Zoom

Ti-Pi-Tin

Tico-Tico

Tica-Ti, Tica-Ta

Tu-Li-Tulip Time

Toolie Oolie Doolie

Me Too (Ho Ho! Ha Ha!)

Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

Beat Me Daddy Eight To The Bar

Bounce Me Brother With A Solid Four

Scrub Me Mama With A Boogie Beat



...and some song titles from the CD Great Googa Mooga - These Words Don't Make Sense! (Ace):



Heebie Jeebies

Ookey Ook

Bip Bop Bip

Um Bow Bow

Ting Ting Boom Scat

Voo-it! Voo-it!

Du-bi-a-do

Oochie Pachie

Boom Pacha Boom

Yacka Hoom Boom

Ay La Bah

Shimmy Shimmy Ko Ko Bop

Mama Oom Mow Mow

Bama Lama Bama Loo

Oo-ma-liddi

Loo-key Doo-key

 

GUESS WHO'S KERMIT TO DINNER



In the 1950s (according to Russell Ash's Bizarre Books) there was an attempt to get

Americans eating farmed giant bullfrogs. A recipé book included the following:



Giant Frog Sandwich Spread

Giant Bullfrog Cream Broth

American Giant Bullfrog Cocktail

American Giant Bullfrog Pie, Country Style

Giant Bullfrogs Jellied

Giant Bullfrog Croquettes

Giant Bullfrog Meat with Dumplings

Grilled Giant Bullfrog Sandwich

Jellied Giant Bullfrog Creamed Salad

Dominant Mayonnaise Dressing for Giant Frogs

Escalloped Giant Bullfrong with Celery and Potatoes

Minced Giant Bullfrog Savory Sandwiches

Giant Bullfrog Short Cakes

Giant Bullfrog Pineapple Salad

Creamed Giant Bullfrog and Mushrooms

Stuffed Eggs with Giant Bullfrog

Baked Apples Stuffed with Giant Frog Meat



Not all frog recipés are quite as stomach-turning...

Warning! May not contain frogs:

Frog's Eye Salad (a dessert using tiny pasta balls and fruit)
Frog Lemonade
Frog in a Hole (fried bread with egg in the middle)
Frog in a Blender (pistachio and cherry pudding)
Yule Log Frog

Cocktails:

Red Frog
Golden Frog
Frog's Butt
Vomiting Frog
Hop Frog
Fat Frog
Irish Frog
Green Bull Frog
Swamp Frog
Squashed Frog

 
SORTING IT OUT Part One

VitQ's attempt to trace the breeds of cartoon and puppet creatures:

1 Gonzo - Along life's narrow paths, I've met people who don't think Gonzo's a bird, but they were on Jose Cuervo, or most wanted lists. True though, he does have mighty thick legs for an avian, and in one Muppet Show, he is turned down as a bird. Yet.. blue-grape coloured feathers, a hooked beak. I'm thinking S America, the Amazon, aren't you? Seed feeder, maybe more likely a large flower-feeder. Then again, the monkey does lurk at the back of the mind. Having a giant chicken for a pet suggests bird-empathy, or is it a primate's proto-livestock tendency? Deep trawling on the net finds suggestions that Gonzo may have originated in India, so perhaps a cinereous vulture, but no, not fierce enough. VitQ Verdict: Best I can offer is an Indian owlet whose Mum has been canoodling with a proboscis monkey.

2 Daffy Duck - he might be a scoter, but beak too bright and one-coloured and not bumpy enough. Not tufted enough to be a tufted duck, though decent colour match; too plain to be an elegant surf duck. Not quite right to be a Black East Indian duck (how would he reach Hollywood from there?). Despite the name soundign right, nothing like an American black duck. VitQ Verdict: Most likely Daffy is a common scoter who has had orange juice for breakfast and still has it all over his beak.

3 The Pink Panther - a panther you might imagine, yet there is no roseate variety. However, there are many strange breeds of wild and domestic cats. Recently turned 40, so unlikely to be a domestic moggy. Very wide mouth also and too slender to have been fed on Whiskas and sneaky snigs of ham. Yellow / gold eyes may be a clue. Head too big to be a cheetah or caracal. Too klutzy to be a tiger or lion. First spotted in America. VitQ Verdict: the PP is no panther, but a chichi cougar whose pinkness and fad-diet scrawn can be put down to showbiz.

 

N16

18 things you need to know about where I live:

1 Stoke Newington began to grow in the 17^th Century when dissenters, who were banned from the city of London, began to congregate there. It has been home to non-conformists ever since, from religious reformers to anarchists and punks.

2 The orphaned Edgar Poe was sent here to be schooled by his guardian John Allan (whose surname he later took as a middle name), back in the days when an English education wasn't rated 121^st in the world, just between Chad and Tuvalu.

3 The Judaeo-Celtic Sex Pistols supremo Malcolm McLaren was sent by his grandmother to the local primary. He was horrified, lasted one day and never went back to school.

4 A recently closed take-away served fried chicken wings which were so addictively good, it was rumoured that the coating contained crack cocaine.

5 Stoke Newington is said to contain more writers than any other area of London. And it has one of the city's largest lesbian populations. Other over-represented social groups here include minor indie musicians, social workers and teachers.

6 The High Street is actually part of the old Roman road Ermine Street, which runs almost straight for many miles from the City to Hertfordshire.

7 One way to make locals grimace is to use the trendy incomers' gittish name for the place – 'Stokey'.

8 Local showbiz celebrities include Professionals actor Martin Shaw, Tjinder Singh of the band Cornershop and, erm, it's not that sort of place really.

9 Daniel Defoe (originally Foe, the 'de' was just a posey add-on) wrote Robinson Crusoe (and other books) on the corner of Church Street and what is now Defoe Road. Having dabbled in hosiery, the tile trade, politics and espionage, he came to writing late in life, having left London for Bristol where things went drastically wrong (ouch, sounds familiar) and returned, after a spell in prison, with an idea for a sea yarn.

10 Another local of note was Salvation Army founder William Booth. He is buried in Abney Park cemetery opposite the pub which, with no apparent irony, now bears his name.

11 This is a good candidate for the world's most multicultural area – predominant groups include Turks, Cypriots and Hasidic Jews, but the area is home to many, many nationalities and ethnic groups, including an increasing amount of Poles.

12 The library's prize possession is local boy Marc Bolan's top hat.

13 Reggae trombonist Rico Rodriguez (who later played with The Specials) cut a record called 'Stoke Newington Hop' on the Penguin label.

14 Trainspotting author Irvine Welsh and Hibby of note lived for here for many years (well, on the Stoke Newington / Shacklewell border) and has a story called 'Stoke Newington Blues'. When Irvine moved, I became the area's most noted Scottish writer, which was, likesay, barry. Parts of Nick Hornby's High Fidelity are also set here.

15 In 1972, members of the Angry Brigade, a local revolutionary group described by the press as 'dropouts with brains' were charged with conspiring to carry out 25 bombings. Two male and two female members received lengthy sentences.

16 The Kray Twins did some business round here. Jack the Hat McVitie, a gangster who was increasingly reckless due to drug use was killed by Reggie Kray at a party at a flat in Evering Road belonging to 'Blonde Carole' in 1967.

17 Our two local parks both have some notoriety. The common was formerly known as Cockhanger Lane, some say from a local brothel with unusual practices. In Clissold Park, the notorious Anglo-American (probable) murderer Dr HH Crippen was said to have secretly met his mistress, Ethel le Neve.

18 You want to find a kebab? Come here. You want to find a doctor? Are you kidding?

 

YOU DON'T WANNA DO THAT...

Inevitable candidates for megalomania:

1 columnists
2 car park attendants
3 sports teachers
4 dog show people
5 elderly women on public transport
6 wine snobs
7 bullfighters
8 the office techie
9 ambassadors
10 anyone with a pram or a backpack
11 little poetry magazine editors
12 DJs
13 jugglers
14 after-dinner speakers
15 cyclists in hard hats
16 town councillors
17 record producers
18 'entrepreneurs'
19 quiz buffs
20 new parents
21 showbiz has-beens
22 American barstaff

 

LEFT ON THE SHELF

Items commonly found on a mantelpiece:

1 carriage clock
2 photos of babies
3 flipover calendar
4 pair of china dogs
5 nail file
6 matches
7 library card
8 foreign coins
9 brass figurine
10 ticket to event
11 recent postcard
12 nutcracker
13 coasters
14 snow shaker
15 pipe rack
16 lottery ticket / pools coupon
17 graduation portrait
18 clamshell ashtray
19 party invitation
20 small vase of flowers
21 utility bills
22 reading glasses
23 miniature landmark (eg Eiffel Tower)
24 mysterious key
25 Whimsy miniature animals
26 sad glass clown
27 paperclip / safety pin
28 toffee hammer
29 Post-It with phone number
30 dust

Source: idea from Tim; list by Tim, RcL and Nina

 

EXPLOSIONS IN THE SKY

Some firework names:

Gyro Static Space Wheel / Dancing Butterfly Surprise / Tijuana Tremor / Pearls of the Orient / Ground Bloom Flowers / Chirping Oriole Candle / Vegas Baby Vegas / Camelia Flower Barrage / Baby Sunflower / Saturn Ring Eruption / Shogun Bad Boy Jumping Jack / Large Star Ball Contribution / Wild Bats / Morning Glory Extra Long / Moonbeam Missile / Hicktown Heaven / Clustering Bee Rocket / Brew Haha / Phantom Whistling Bottle Rocket / Large Moon Traveler / Battle of the Coral Sea / Jumbo Double Day Parachute / Mammoth Smoke / Utter Chaos / Tabloid Rumors / Madhatter Fountain / Lady Finger Silver Salute Cracker / Chinatown All Red 8000 Strip / Skyfest Panorama Shell / Barbarian Blast / Swarming Skeeters / Dragon Dancing With Phoenix / Orion's Eye 12'' Crackling / Galactic Rainbow / Martian Mirage / Pandas Titanium Flashcracker / Large Happy Lamp / Twitter Glitter / One Bad Mother / Mighty Cobra / Coconut Grove / Marching Cicadas / Wasp Floral / Moment Like This / Ace Ablaze / Barely Legal 500 Gram / Large Punk / Desert at Night / Exotic Pinball Rocket / Snow and Red Plum Rocket / King of Pop / Blinking Dragon Breath / Daggerfall / Guests From Heaven / Surfer Girls / Squiggly Stars / Thunder Claptop / Space Bastion / Confetti Gun / Funny Car / Hen Laying Eggs / Summer Camp

Source: Phantom; Patriotic; A&W; Hamco; Kneppy's; Victory.

 

EIGHT ARMS TO HOLD YOU

Some names for the common octopus (octopus vulgaris):

1 htapódi (Greek)
2 chobotnice obecná (Czech)
3 blekksprut (Norwegian)
4 pugita (Tagalog)
5 gewöhnlicher Krake (German)
6 kraak (Netherlands)
7 åttaarmad bläckfisk (Swedish)
8 osmiornica (Polish)
9 kolkrabbi (Icelandic)
10 kaheksajalg (Estonian)
11 ottearmet blaeksprutte (Danish)
12 tadua (Punjabi)
13 pieuvre (French)
14 meritursas (Finland)
15 pulpo de roca (Spanish)
16 hobotnica (Croatian)
17 ma-dako tako (Japanese)
18 pweza (Swahili)
19 ahtapot (Turkey)
20 olagarro (Basque)
21 ikan gurita (Indonesian)
22 polpodi scoglio (Italian)
23 wheke (Maori)
24 polvo (Portuguese)
25 seekat (Afrikaans)
26 zhang yu (Chinese)

Source: various

 

ROLL AND ROLL

20 film titles with 10 words or more:

1 Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean
2 A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
3 The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent
4 The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
5 Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mamma's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feeling So Sad
6 The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai and the Hong Kong Cavaliers in the Eighth Dimension
7 Who is Harry Kellerman and Why is He Saying Those Terrible Things About Me?
8 Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
9 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
10 Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?
11 The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain
12 Went To Coney Island On A Mission from God ... Be Back By Five
13 Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me
14 Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Terror
15 Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood
16 Dr Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
17 Sherlock Holmes in the Singular Case of the Plural Green Moustache
18 The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds
19 Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines, or How I Flew from London to Paris in 25 Hours 11 Minutes
20 The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat as Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade

Barred from the list: a) long sequel names b) early descriptive film titles such as Man Going Over the Old Willy Waterfall While Strapped in a Barrel c) documentary feature titles such as Tears and Beers, the Tragic Story of the 1976 All-England Ale Drinking Championship (these last two made up) d) unverifiable foreign titles

Source: various (no more needed, thanks) Thanks to Andy K for the idea.

 

SONS OF TOIL



Some causes of ignition leading to pit disasters:



1      shot firing

2      blown-out shot

3      naked light

4      gob fire

5      contraband

6      lighted candle

7      match

8      safety lamp

9      Clanny Lamp

10     Davy lamp

11     underground smithy

12     frictional heat

13     spontaneous combustion

14     flames from furnace

15     stones falling on stones

16     fire in old workings

17     naked light igniting timber

18     friction of the picks in the cut

19     flame of open acetylene cap lamp

20     electric cap-lamp headpiece

21     sparks from cutter picks striking pyrites

22     frictional heat from a piece of falling quartzitic rock

23     shot firing in waste

24     burning fuel

25     permitted explosive



source: Durham Mining Museum; thanks to N