HAUNTED, DEAD OR ALIVE

Ghosts I have seen recently:

N and I went to the fairground on the heath some time back and were surprised at how little had changed since we were kids. The same mushburgers, toffee apples and rock dummies, the same hook-a-duck and hoop-a-vase stalls, the same big rides, even, and the same fat boy stuck halfway down the helter skelter. The main difference was that despite two 'ghost trains', there were no ghosts to be seen on these rides. The walls were covered with every kind of monster and vampire and goblin, but no ghosts. But I have seen a few this year and here they are...

1 Kinder Egg Ghoul – the catch has burst on this and I can't open it. It's a KE toy, comprising a plastic 'treasure chest' which when opened reveals a pop-up smiling ghost with a large black mallet to belt you with. Spook Factor: 2 out of 5

2 Quiz Ghost – British pubs often have quiz game consoles, where you can pit your wits against a computer program for cash. Haunted House, one of the most popular recent quiz games, has a bonus feature, where four ghosts spin round and you choose one to reveal a bonus feature such as a Pass or Extra Points. Spook Factor: 1 out of 5

3 Dead Baby Ghost – N and I came upon a dead ghostling just off the heath. Poor undead soul, it had been mown down by a car. Some cynics might suggest it was just a piece of white sheet which had been been run over in a certain way which gave it a ghost shape, but we knew better. Spook Factor: 4 out of 5

4 Burrowing Fish Ghosts – the highlights of Berlin Aquarium for me were the gelid white burrowing fish, who patrolled their little holes in the gravel, looking like tiny fish ghosts, horrified by the bigger fish passing every ten seconds, defending homes no other fish wanted. Spook Factor: 3 out of 5