TABLE MANNERS

I'm so hungry I could eat...

1 a bear, fur and all
2 roadkill
3 the ass end of a billy goat
4 a horse and go back for the jockey / chase the rider
5 a baby through the bars of a cot
6 the crotch off a low-flying duck
7 a bowl of lard with a hair in it
8 a whale
9 Michael Moore (or various other tubby slebs)
10 the north end of a southbound skunk
11 a horse between two slices of bread
12 my own arm*
13 a nun's arse through the convent gates
14 a sandwich from a gas station
15 grandpa
16 dirt
17 the back end of a running bear
18 my own ear wax
19 an ox
20 a dead rat
21 the menu
22 a campfire
23 a scabby bairn's heid
24 the front wheel off a menstrual cycle
25 a scabby donkey between two scabby donkeys
26 midgets
27 Stinky's gym socks
28 spinach**
29 a brick
30 a baby's bum through a cane chair

* The Norwegian novelist Knut Hamsun is said to have tried to do this during a spell of poverty and madness

**In a Popeye cartoon, the stick-like Olive Oyl says 'I'm so hungry I could eat.'