BARRED

British Pubs - some things to avoid:

1 Any bar serving sausage and mash for over £10, and where beer seems like a grudging sideline
2 The nearest pub to any train station
3 Any pub in a train station
4 All bars which describe their food as 'Traditional Fayre' or as 'World Famous'
5 Any trendy bar with its own merchandising (T-shirts, keyrings and other tat)
6 Any pub still clinging to the tails of the long-gone karaoke fad
7 Barn-like pubs acting as unofficial day-centres for the mentally ill
8 Barstaff clearly chosen for their looks rather than an ability to serve drinks or speak English
9 Any bar with a tips jar (attempting to usher in the US system where barstaff are minor deities) or where staff pass your change on a dinky tray and expect you to leave some of it
10 Bars with dayglo-coloured, star-shapes in the window advertising 'Half-Price Double's' and 'Hapy Hour'
11 Pubs with that carpet (the red one with the swirly pattern)
12 All Australian or South African themed bars
13 Any pub with more than two gaming machines
14 Pubs with 'No Football Colours' or 'No Hard Hats' signs, which are generally rammy magnets
15 Pubs with quizzes where a member of staff reads out the questions