PUNCHING JUDIES

Vitamin Q tests out the theory that bad girls in songs are always called Judy...

What is the song? Judy by Al Green
What is it about? Everything has been just hip since Al found Judy.
Good Judy? Bad Judy? Good - she has beauty and 'sweet little ways'.

Song: Judy and the Dream of Horses by Belle & Sebastian
About: Judy longs to recreate a great dream she had about horse rustling and writes a sad song about it.
Good / Bad? Troubled. A former teenage rebel who can't handle the real world, she has taken to consorting with parrots.

Song: Judy by The Pipettes
About: One of the girls has a rebellious schoolfriend called Judy and warns her that naughty girls often end up in deep trouble.
Good / Bad? Oh, shocking. Below-the-veneer vulnerability is no excuse for wanting to rip out your mother's spleen.

Song: Judy Teen by Cockney Rebel
About: A racy girl, visiting from New York, who wows a group of hipster friends by taking them on funfair rides.
Good / Bad? She's 'coming to slay yer', though that may be figurative. Ultimately her insistence on slangy rants about superballs might get on your nerves.

Song: Judy In Disguise by John Fred and His Playboy Band
About: A big-eyed, bespectacled girl with a fondness for lemonade pies, showing off her brand new car.
Good / Bad? Pretty bad. Though she sounds fun, she becomes a 'circus of horrors' who steals everything John has, except for a length of kite string.

Song: Judy Is a Punk by The Ramones
About: Little Judy and her punk friend Jackie travel to Berlin to join the Icecapades then move to San Francisco to join terrorist gang The Symbionese Liberation Army. The Ramone guys are worried that these things might be dangerous.
Good / Bad? Switching from ice-based entertainment to paramilitary activity has to be a bad move, even for a runt.

Song: Jumpin Judy by Leadbelly
About: Judy, a violent character, is warned that a captain is approaching, and she is going to get told on.
Good / Bad? Sounds awful ('kicks and stomps and beats') but in other variants of the song, she is an oddly dressed kid who teaches the world how to jump.

Song: Give Judy My Notice by Ben Folds
About: The mist of infatuation has lifted and Ben realises that Judy has been taking him for granted and basically taking the piss. She is shown the Folds elbow.
Good / Bad? She's not sorry. She wasn't that keen on him anyway, but liked the slavish attention. She's upset, but only because she didn't do the ditching. What a cow!

Song: Judy Is A Dickslap by Belle & Sebastian
About: Dunno – it's an instrumental.
Good / Bad? Not sure what a dickslap is, but I know I wouldn't want to be called one, especially by a Glaswegian.

Song: Another Kind of Judy by Billy Bragg
About: Billy falls for a boozy single mother who fails to live up to expectations.
Good / Bad? She plays him The Pet Shop Boys and that, apparently, is only the worst of many faults.

Song: Judy Go Home by The Riverdales
About: Judy is a weird-looking punk chick whose face doesn't fit, though perhaps a lobotomy might help her blend in.
Good / Bad? Sounds a bit creepy, and her vegetarian recipes cause a wind problem that doesn't help.

Song: Mad Mad Judy by The Buzzcocks
About: Judy confesses to her friend that things are not at all cushy in Judy's head, but that makes things worse.
Good / Bad? You've got to feel sorry for her, but weepy, paranoid people who don't know what they want are to be avoided.

Song: Judy by Elvis Presley
About: Judy has left Elvis for somebody new.
Good / Bad? Hard to say. On the one hand, what sort of girl would wave goodbye to intravenous hamburgers by proxy? But those white suits must be a bugger for a girl to get clean.

Song: Judy by The Corrs
About: Judy is looking for love which will release her from her pain.
Good / Bad? A troubled vamp who is tripping, falling over and wants to smother you. Not today thanks, love.

Song: Judy by Hot Action Cop
About: The hot cop is a-drivin' and a-reminiscin' about his girl when he suddenly realises that their baby looks nothing like him! Woops!
Good / Bad? It seems Judy is a no-good two timing so-and-so who is about to lose her shack, her car and should expect to hear from Mr HA Cop's lawyer.

Song: Miss Judy's Farm by The Faces
About: Teenage farmworker Rod is treated mean by his boss and plans a mutiny, but she gets wise and calls in the army.
Good / Bad? Moody, apparently, and the fact that she punishes the minor infringement of kicking a poodle (who wouldn't, given a chance?) with an all-night whipping doesn't go in her favour.

Song: One Shot Judy by Ruskabank
About: Judy loves nothing more than a line of men who she takes turn to knock out with one punch
Good / Bad? Bad. 'It's what she's about'. An unpleasant hobby if you ask me.

Song: Judy Says by The Vibrators
About: Tonight, I've heard, Judy is going to knock me in the head, and then Suzie is going to shoot me.
Good / Bad? Bad, but not quite as bad as Suzie.

Song: Cracked Judy by The Von Zippers
About: People, even the President, are warned to be wary of crazy Judy from outer space who might well be the end of us.
Good / Bad? She is 'an alien stranger, dressed in danger' – people of Earth, what more evidence do you need!?