HOPELESS

Some things I can't do:

1 pick up spiders
2 work showers
3 do handstands
4 understand visual artists when they try to talk about their work
5 drink Bacardi
6 click my fingers
7 drive
8 get Doonesbury
9 open milk cartons
10 dance in public
11 have a boss, ever
12 stand steady on a chair to change a bulb
13 finish songs
14 hold hot plates or cups